Delight in the Lord

Before I became a lover of Christ, I thought of Christianity as a bunch of rules. And not just rules but contemptible rules. What's wrong with sex before marriage? Everyone's doing it; it's normal. What's wrong with getting drunk? You're only hurting yourself. What's wrong with cursing? It's just words. To me, Christians were a bunch of ridiculously narrow-minded hypocrites and their inane “laws” constraining.

Then I fell in love with Christ.

As a new believer, I realized that I am a sinner but I also realized it would be too easy to simply conform in order to look like a good Christian instead of allowing Christ to change my heart so I told God, “I will change nothing unless You ask it of me.”

Before I barge ahead and arrogantly claim to have done just that, I must admit that it is not as simple as I originally thought. In my naivete, I thought God would speak and Raychel would change. But sometimes God wants to change things Raychel doesn't want to admit are a problem and sometimes God wants to use people to address Raychel's problems and Raychel insolently balks at what they say.

Oh, Pride, you can only bring me death!

Well, Christ has asked for a lot of change from me. He has asked me to follow His laws closely, the first of which is, “You shall have no other gods before Me (Exodus 20:3).

I have given my life to loving God with everything I have; He has become my Treasure, my All in All. I am delighting myself in the Lord, and He is giving me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4).

Amazingly, what I desire seems to be changing. As Christ becomes my treasure, as I find my joy rooted more and more deeply in Him, a process occurs and I find myself being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2). No joke! If you look back at Romans 11:33-36 you'll notice the love language Paul is using toward God, then you'll notice that he subsequently launches into this idea that if we present our bodies as living and holy sacrifices – and, honestly, who doesn't sacrifice himself for his treasure? - then, in this worship, we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds so that we may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect (these verses, by the way, define worship).

If God is my treasure, and my mind is being renewed to know what His will is, it goes to follow that my desires will begin to align themselves to His will.

And now I no longer see His law as constraining (for the most part) but liberating. Why?

A friend once used an analogy that really helps illustrate what I think happens.

Imagine the Law is like a line drawn in the ground. If you cross the line, you've broken the rules. There are many people – such as myself, before I knew Christ – who don't see any reason to stay on one side of the line. There are many people who strive to stay on the right side of the line but have the perspective that it is restraining their freedom, so they try to get as close to it as they possibly can without crossing it.

Then there are people who see the line and know it was not put there to keep them from freedom, but to give them freedom. This line teaches them how to love God, themselves, and others with all their heart, mind, and strength (because that, in essence, is the Law, right?). Instead of dwelling on how to get as close to the line as they possibly can, these people turn around and see all the freedom God has put right there at their fingertips.

Instead of seeing “how far they can go without actually having sex” with their boyfriend or girlfriend, just because the Bible does not condone sex outside of marriage, they enjoy the relationship they can have with one another, maybe really digging into those conversations they're not too distracted to have or delighting in simply holding each others' hand, because they recognize that that's the best way they can love one another.

Instead of not getting drunk just because the Bible says not to, they realize that their bodies are a temple of God and so truly enjoy the presence of the Holy Spirit in their lives, and do what they can to cultivate their awareness of Him.

Instead of avoiding foul language just because the Bible says to, they hold their tongues because they are saving breath to find new words with which to praise the Lord, which not only glorifies Him but causes others to take notice that what comes out of their mouths is different from the way other people speak (I stand convicted; my mouth is not clean: I gossip, whine, and curse. But as I write this I am discovering a reason for watching my tongue that is grounded in my delight in the Lord. I hope to see change.).

Christianity is not about strident rules, but about a relationship with One who is perfect and can satisfy our every need and desire. It is about discovering that true life comes in and through and for Christ alone. It is about allowing Him to transform us so that our lives can reflect the one true God. It is about discovering the life-giving freedom to love Him, to love ourselves, and to love others.

The reality I live in is merely a shadow of what I've just written about, but I look forward to continuing in the process of being transformed by the renewing of my mind and discovering where His will and my desires are aligning. I hope and pray that you, also, will delight yourself in the Lord and see a radical difference in what you desire so that your life can point to Christ Jesus, our Lord.

Be Still and Wait... Some More

I hate that I am so limited in my understanding that often, when God is doing something in my life, I totally take it the wrong way. He’s certainly teaching me wisdom but, man, I’m used to catching on a lot faster than this! And it’s not that I’m stupid but more likely that the lessons He’s teaching me are hard ones that will need to be learned over and over throughout my life and to greater depths at each learning.

Lately God has been revealing to me sin after sin after sin. At each revelation I develop an elaborate plan to tackle this newly revealed sin and eradicate it from my life. The next day He reveals something new and I’m like, “Really? Ok, how do we deal with this one?” And then the next day it’s still something else and I start to feel overwhelmed because I’m trying to remember to pray on my knees, love everyone, never get snappy, feed the poor, clothe the naked, surrender my desire to be married, pray more, fast from everything I like (coffee, wine, chocolate, ice cream, eating out, bathing… j/k) and, seriously, who wouldn’t be overwhelmed? Meanwhile I’m supposed to be working on my support but - hello! - who has time? I have to fix all my sins! I have to get rid of all these other distractions.

And, really, that’s all they are - distractions. I can conceive a million plans to “fix all my sins” but is that what God’s really asking of me? Is that really why He’s showing me these things? Am I really being faithful if I’m constantly being distracted from what’s been set before me?

Fund raising to join the team at YD Adventures is what’s been set before me. If all these other things are just distractions, why is God showing them to me?

I don’t know. But I have learned a few things lately.

When I lost my job at Bella Café I looked at what I had left to raise to reach my goal and thought, “Pshaw, that’s nothing. If I put my nose to the grindstone, I’ll be done by February.” So I did just that. And have as yet to raise a single penny from my own efforts. “Get to work,” I tell myself. “Be faithful,” I remind myself. But I haven’t had a single appointment in over a month!

I am closer to my goal but it’s trickling in and everything that’s come in thus far has had nothing to do with me and everything to do with God alone. Do you know how frustrating this is?? I’m not trying to be a jerk, I just wish some of MY efforts were paying off. I feel like all I’m doing is wasting my time!

The final straw came Thurs night at Bible study. All evening I’d been hearing God say, “Be still and wait…” and was contemplating whether or not “be still” and “wait” are ever found in the same verse when a friend asked me how I was doing on support ministry. I began to vent and worked myself up until I said, “I want to call up our support coach and tell her ‘IT’S NOT WORKING!!!!’” The capitals indicate that I was screaming. I heard other people in the room say, “Whoa!” and a few friends came out of the kitchen to check and make sure everything was ok. “Crap,” I thought to myself, “that was immature. Way to go, Raychel.” My friend began to talk while I brooded in self-pity but then I suddenly realized my friend had just said…

“… What did you just say?” I asked.

“Put me down for 100 a month. The Lord’s really put you on my heart and I think I need to be supporting you.” I just sat there, completely dazed.

“Is this what I get for throwing a temper tantrum?” I silently asked God. But I knew that was wrong. I was not being rewarded for screaming. This was probably the most humbling “support raising meeting” in all of history. God was being faithful in the midst of my doubting. He is steadfast and good and I am a sick little human whose efforts are futile. Everything comes from God.

I went home, got on e-Sword and did a search for “be still and wait”. I had it on the ESV version and found myself staring at Psalm 37:7, “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him…” Then verse 8 goes on to say, “Refrain from anger and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.”

Here is a choice set before me. I can choose to “be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” or I can be all stressed out and take things into my own hands. The first choice is what God is asking of me. It’s difficult because I like tangible tasks producing tangible results and that’s not what support raising is yielding right now, but it’s what God is asking. The second choice is plain disobedience, which is the essence of sin. It will not yield the results I’m looking for and will probably cause me to harden my heart toward God.

I’m not stupid so I know which one I’ll choose.

My pastor spoke last week of “baby steps” toward the person we want to be or the things we want to get better at. What “baby steps” are required in being still and waiting? I think Psalm 37 provides that answer when it says, “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust Him, and He will act.” vs3-5

What better direction do I need?

I still don’t know why He keeps showing me all the areas in which I sin but I do know that developing elaborate plans to “fix all my sins” is just me taking things into my own hands, no matter how Godly the façade I try to hide it under. Just be still before the Lord, Raychel, and wait patiently for Him. Trust Him. Commit your way to Him. Set your eyes on Him and allow Him to be the center.

That’s it. I seriously don’t know anything else, only what He’s asked me to do. Funny, it’s the same lesson He was teaching me a year ago… Be still and wait…