This summer I decided to begin reading through Proverbs, one chapter every day, each chapter corresponding to the day of the month. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I thought I’d try, at least. I have found this book to be a pleasure to read. It’s delightful to read something out of Proverbs and be reminded of something Jesus said; it’s exciting to find that I am that familiar with the Bible.
On Sunday I read:
“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” Proverbs 20:5
First I was reminded of Psalm 42:7;
“Deep calls to deep in the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me.”
Then I thought, is this man of understanding supposed to be Jesus?
So I checked to see if that verse referenced any other verses and found that it did:
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16
I suddenly felt the desire to be alone with these verses somewhere where I could hear the crash of water, the roar of the deep. The desire was nearly overwhelming and I knew I would have to find the chance to escape as soon as possible. I called Cora Monday afternoon to get a few ideas and Tuesday I embarked on a mini adventure at Silver Falls State Park.
I left the Emersons’ just past 7:00, just as the sun lifted her warm, brazen face over the mountains and began to fight off the cold and the clouds. It was a beautiful morning but too early to know who the victor would be, sun or clouds, and I found myself wondering whether I’d brought enough clothes. The drive took longer than I expected but I love the country so I leaned into the curves of the road with zeal and wound my way to the park.
I reached the trail head and gazed along the path. I’d been to Silver Falls State Park only once, about three years ago, so today I would be exploring. I spent some time feeling indecisive; where should I start? Where should I go? I first tried Upper North Falls but, once I got there, decided that was not where I was meant to be. I finally decided on North Falls and took off along the Canyon Trail.
It was short but sweet. The path followed alongside the creek. I walked along, staring at the forest, until I came upon a set of stairs. I walked down the stairs, wondering when I would cross the creek and how close the waterfall was, then realized that the creek was plunging downward right beside me. The stairs ended and the path curved abruptly back on itself. The trail seemed to be carved out of rock that jutted out over the path. If I was taller, I would have to stoop. The trees blocking my view of the waterfall thinned and I saw that all the water shot out of a small fissure of rock and tumbled 136 feet to a dark pool below. Looking up, it seemed as if the forest ended abruptly. How can the forest sit on that slab of rock? I wondered, for just below the forest a rock cliff protruded, like a child’s pouty lower lip, and rolled back in to create a cavern-like indentation. The path was etched through the back of the cavern, behind the waterfall.
I was delighted. Ideally, I had wanted to sit behind a waterfall, but short of a 5 mile hike along Eagle Creek in the Gorge, I had no idea where to find a waterfall I could sit behind. God had provided. There were even little benches set up inside the cavern.
I “set up camp” on one bench, pulling out my journal, Bible, and pens. I opened my journal and wrote:
“Deep calls to deep in the sound of Thy waterfalls; all Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me.”
Pushing me down, pushing, pushing, encouraging me toward the depths of my own heart.
Who are you? What are you doing here?
Pushing. Deeper.
I must search the deep.
I thought of the time I got stuck in a riptide at Rockaway Beach. The surf had pounded against me, pushing me down. But I had a pfd on and I could only go down so far before I popped back up.
Then I thought of the time I listened to a speaker from Imago Dei tell of an experience he had while surfing. A wave had crashed over him and pulled him down, down, down. Somewhere down there, under the ocean, time stopped for the intrepid surfer and he experienced God; the deep pounded around him like a heartbeat of enormous proportions. He did not fear; God is love.
All Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me, pushing me down.
I don’t want a life jacket for this; I don’t want to hover at the surface.
My voice sounded small next to the roar of the waterfall. I was attempting lectio divina, “sacred reading”. It was sacred; God was there. I invited Him to be a part of what I was doing and then I corrected myself:
No, I’m asking that I can share this with You; that You’ll let me be a part of what You’re doing.
Deep calls to deep… it’s the searching of the Holy Spirit within my own soul. “Do you trust Me?” He asks. Mostly I do, Lord. In my mind, certainly. In my heart? Mostly.
“He reached down and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16
I was here reminded of the lyrics of my current theme song:
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
And though it’s hard to surrender
To what I can’t see
I’m giving in to something heavenly
Except I’m lacking the peace part I wrote.
I began to think of how, in training, we learned that if ever we got stuck swimming in a low head dam, we would need to allow the current to sweep us to the bottom of the river, then crawl along the bottom until we were free of the swirling current. That is the only way out. Horror story! I think it would be natural for any human (who wasn’t in counter panic) to try and fight their way out. I would probably swim my hardest to try and get out - and get wrapped up in all the debris also stuck in the churning waters.
I am stuck in chaotic, churning waters. I’m struggling, constantly struggling, trying to find the surface. In my attempts I am merely entangling myself worse than before, creating more sin and attempting to avoid facing the consequences thereof.
This song by Sanctus Real uses the word “surrender”. Have I done that? I’m experiencing the chaos but not so much the peace. If I surrender, I am assured that He will reach down from on high and take hold of me and draw me out of deep waters. Why? Because He delights in me (Psalm 18:19b). So simple.
Deep calls to deep. The Holy Spirit is present. Surrender to Jesus, to God, and let Him draw me out. Me! The King of heaven and earth asks me to surrender so He can draw the Raychel He created out of deep waters and allow her to stand, free of sin, and live a life worthy of the calling of Jesus.
“I love You, oh Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies…
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.”
Psalm 18:1-3, 16-19
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