Redeemed

A couple weeks after “the incident” with my boss I was told to put fly line on reels again. This requires that I use a little machine (the best name I can come up with is a “reel machine”) with a foot peddle that is used to spin a little motor which has a crank attached to it. I lock a reel into the crank and spin backing onto the reel. Then I tie fly line to the backing and spin that onto the reel. The backing always comes on a nice little spool so I can hold it between my fingers as it spins onto the reel but the fly line Grigg had me using this day did not come on a spool – it was just a coil of line. There were spools available to put the fly line onto but the spools were too big to fit in my hand and if they were even slightly bumped they broke open, at which point all the fly line unwound and – poof! – I had a rat’s nest on my hands which took plenty of time to untangle. I found the easiest way to deal with this unspooled fly line was to unwind it, stretching it out across the floor. I would still have occasional tangles to deal with but no rat’s nests.

Through the morning I worked on these reels consistently and as quickly as I could. Productivity is important to Grigg and if I go slower than he has deemed productive, he will take the task away from me.

When I stopped to take a break, Dave went back to check my work. He came back to the break room to tell me, “You’ve been averaging about 10 reels an hour. I can do between 20 and 30 an hour. You need to catch up to that.” He didn’t really say it kindly.

I went back and worked at a speed that left me feeling frantic and stressed. I got up to 17 an hour and felt like a failure. Dave came out and saw me stretching fly line across the floor and said, “It’s easier if you use those spools. No wonder you’re going so slow.” But I explained how the fly line tended to tangle a lot more if I used the spools. Still, he didn’t seem satisfied with my work.

After awhile I began to realize that the level of stress I felt came from my unhealthy fear of Dave Grigg. I did not want the punishment of hearing all my faults (even as made-up in the mind of Dave Grigg as they were) laid out for me and set to the tune of blame and self-righteous indignation. I spent a few days praying that God would help me take Dave off the throne of wrathful deity in my heart, allowing God complete Kingship once again.

We ran out of backing a couple days later and I was set free from the task for a few weeks. Recently we got backing and more fly line in and I was asked to continue this task.

I began the task with trepidation, worrying that I still wouldn’t be able to go fast enough (even though the new fly line came on a spool) and that Dave would get frustrated with me again. Then I began making up conversations with him in which he approached me to give me a “talking to” but I had a few words for him in retaliation. When I was through bashing Dave I moved on to other people and incidences in my life that are a frustration.

And so I discovered that stress can open the door for Satan to harass me.

I realized after a few hours of this that I hadn’t had a positive thought all morning. I begin praying for help. Every time the bad thoughts began, I had to stop them and begin praying again. It takes a lot of discipline at a level which I can’t seem to keep up so the day never got any better for me.

That evening I read a verse suggested for our discussion at home community:

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:6

It was interesting to read that after my day at work so I continued to read and found: “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10.

For some reason I found comfort in these words and I knew I would need some sort of defense the next day at work. However, I remembered that one of the things Dave had expressed disgruntlement about was my reading my Bible on the job (“I’m glad you’re in the Word but you shouldn’t do it on my time.”) I knew, but he didn’t know, that all I do is open my Bible, glance at the verse, then leave the Bible open to remind me of what I am focusing on. I don’t sit there and spend 5 minutes looking for something juicy to read and then spend another 15 minutes meditating on this juicy stuff and then, with a final 5 minute prayer, get back to work.

The next day I approached Dave and asked him if I could have my Bible out and told him what it is I do with it. He then wanted to know what was going on that made me need to seek defense in God’s word. I couldn’t tell him that he had caused so much stress for me that Satan had found an open door with which to harass me so I told him about something else going on in my life which was sufficiently juicy enough that he was satisfied. We prayed and he let me go, complete with gracious permission granted to have my Bible open.

I need to stop the attitude toward this man!

As I worked, I timed myself and, as I had noticed the day before, I was consistently finishing almost 10 reels every 20 minutes! I was so proud I went and told Dave at the end of the day how well I was doing. His response was, “Now do you want to see who can do it faster?” (Another thing he was angry with me about that one day was that I had denied him the opportunity to compete with me over who could bag these little fly boxes faster. I was new and he was making me nervous and I told him I wasn’t very competitive.)

“Let’s do it!” I said.

We dragged Krista out of her office and went out to the warehouse. I gave her my watch so she could use the stopwatch to time us. First I went, then Dave. I was sure he would kick my butt (he was sure he’d kick my butt too). I beat him by 5 seconds!

So there you have it; Raychel has been redeemed in the eyes of Dave Grigg. I’m so relieved God requires faith, not works.