No, this is not another blog about my boss. This is just stuff I've been learning; little things God's been showing me during our time together in the morning.
Lately I have begun to know that in order to truly understand the New Testament, I must become familiar with the Old Testament. There are a lot of things not said in the gospels, I think because they were just understood during those times and we have lost the meaning of them throughout the centuries. Today theology students can tell me what they're taught to know. Some things are totally up for debate.
Why did Jesus hush the demons before they could proclaim Him as the Lord?
Did Jesus always know He came for the Gentiles as well as the Jews?
What does it mean when Jesus says He did not come to judge (John 12:47) but before then He'd told everyone that's why God sent Him (John 5:22; John 9:39)?
What was Jesus writing in the sand when the Pharisees and the scribes brought the adulterous woman to Him for judgment?
Here is where I think knowledge of the OT helps make things clear. The other day I stumbled upon Jeremiah 17:13:
“Those who turn away from you will be written in the dust.”
Perhaps Jesus was writing names? Was He adding these men to the “list” of those who have forsaken God? Was He taunting them? Perhaps the Pharisees went home that day, thought over the situation with the sinful woman, and remembered Jesus writing in the dirt, and then were reminded of this verse in the Holy Scriptures and burned with anger over the audacity of the Carpenter Boy from Nowhere.
Or perhaps, as my Bible suggests, this situation never happened.
I read Yancey's entire book, “The Jesus I Never Knew” and didn't realize that what he was saying was, as Madeleine L'Engle simply put it, “The Jews expected Jesus to be a political leader like King David.” They didn't realize He was God. And who would, considering the way He presented Himself: the omniscient, omnipotent, eternal God being born as a baby who had to learn how to walk, talk, read, and who had to have His diapers changed. Even His disciples didn't know Him for who He really is.
Yesterday morning I was reading Mark 4:35-41 and the language used struck me as familiar.
The disciples and Jesus are in a boat crossing (I'm assuming) the Sea of Galilee. There is a storm so big their boat starts to sink and Jesus is sleeping away at the stern, probably exhausted after many days of intense ministry. The disciples are terrified and wake Him up, “We're going to die! How can you sleep?” they tell him (that was add-libbing, not a quote).
“[Jesus] got up, rebuked the wind, and said, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” vs 39
“Be still,” He said.
I have spent a lot of time lately in Psalm 46 because God is teaching me to be still. The psalm begins, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” From there the Sons of Korah imagine a scene of ultimate terror: the earth is falling apart! Nations are terrified! Earthly kingdoms are proven impermanent. Through all of this they rest secure in the knowledge of Almighty God.
At the end of the psalm, God tells us to be still and know that He is God. In the story in Mark God, as Jesus, tells the wind and the waves to be still. He then asks the disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” And the disciples were terrified and responded, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey Him!”
He is God!
Jesus gave the disciples the opportunity to “be still” in the storm and know that He is God. They did not know, but the storm did! The storm knew the voice of its Creator when He spoke.
I pray I learn to be still and know that He is God. I want to be in the midst of a storm and know He is God. I want that kind of faith. But is it possible that when I'm in a storm and cannot recognize the Lord with me, He will tell it to be still, thus revealing His presence to me?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Redeemed
A couple weeks after “the incident” with my boss I was told to put fly line on reels again. This requires that I use a little machine (the best name I can come up with is a “reel machine”) with a foot peddle that is used to spin a little motor which has a crank attached to it. I lock a reel into the crank and spin backing onto the reel. Then I tie fly line to the backing and spin that onto the reel. The backing always comes on a nice little spool so I can hold it between my fingers as it spins onto the reel but the fly line Grigg had me using this day did not come on a spool – it was just a coil of line. There were spools available to put the fly line onto but the spools were too big to fit in my hand and if they were even slightly bumped they broke open, at which point all the fly line unwound and – poof! – I had a rat’s nest on my hands which took plenty of time to untangle. I found the easiest way to deal with this unspooled fly line was to unwind it, stretching it out across the floor. I would still have occasional tangles to deal with but no rat’s nests.
Through the morning I worked on these reels consistently and as quickly as I could. Productivity is important to Grigg and if I go slower than he has deemed productive, he will take the task away from me.
When I stopped to take a break, Dave went back to check my work. He came back to the break room to tell me, “You’ve been averaging about 10 reels an hour. I can do between 20 and 30 an hour. You need to catch up to that.” He didn’t really say it kindly.
I went back and worked at a speed that left me feeling frantic and stressed. I got up to 17 an hour and felt like a failure. Dave came out and saw me stretching fly line across the floor and said, “It’s easier if you use those spools. No wonder you’re going so slow.” But I explained how the fly line tended to tangle a lot more if I used the spools. Still, he didn’t seem satisfied with my work.
After awhile I began to realize that the level of stress I felt came from my unhealthy fear of Dave Grigg. I did not want the punishment of hearing all my faults (even as made-up in the mind of Dave Grigg as they were) laid out for me and set to the tune of blame and self-righteous indignation. I spent a few days praying that God would help me take Dave off the throne of wrathful deity in my heart, allowing God complete Kingship once again.
We ran out of backing a couple days later and I was set free from the task for a few weeks. Recently we got backing and more fly line in and I was asked to continue this task.
I began the task with trepidation, worrying that I still wouldn’t be able to go fast enough (even though the new fly line came on a spool) and that Dave would get frustrated with me again. Then I began making up conversations with him in which he approached me to give me a “talking to” but I had a few words for him in retaliation. When I was through bashing Dave I moved on to other people and incidences in my life that are a frustration.
And so I discovered that stress can open the door for Satan to harass me.
I realized after a few hours of this that I hadn’t had a positive thought all morning. I begin praying for help. Every time the bad thoughts began, I had to stop them and begin praying again. It takes a lot of discipline at a level which I can’t seem to keep up so the day never got any better for me.
That evening I read a verse suggested for our discussion at home community:
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:6
It was interesting to read that after my day at work so I continued to read and found: “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10.
For some reason I found comfort in these words and I knew I would need some sort of defense the next day at work. However, I remembered that one of the things Dave had expressed disgruntlement about was my reading my Bible on the job (“I’m glad you’re in the Word but you shouldn’t do it on my time.”) I knew, but he didn’t know, that all I do is open my Bible, glance at the verse, then leave the Bible open to remind me of what I am focusing on. I don’t sit there and spend 5 minutes looking for something juicy to read and then spend another 15 minutes meditating on this juicy stuff and then, with a final 5 minute prayer, get back to work.
The next day I approached Dave and asked him if I could have my Bible out and told him what it is I do with it. He then wanted to know what was going on that made me need to seek defense in God’s word. I couldn’t tell him that he had caused so much stress for me that Satan had found an open door with which to harass me so I told him about something else going on in my life which was sufficiently juicy enough that he was satisfied. We prayed and he let me go, complete with gracious permission granted to have my Bible open.
I need to stop the attitude toward this man!
As I worked, I timed myself and, as I had noticed the day before, I was consistently finishing almost 10 reels every 20 minutes! I was so proud I went and told Dave at the end of the day how well I was doing. His response was, “Now do you want to see who can do it faster?” (Another thing he was angry with me about that one day was that I had denied him the opportunity to compete with me over who could bag these little fly boxes faster. I was new and he was making me nervous and I told him I wasn’t very competitive.)
“Let’s do it!” I said.
We dragged Krista out of her office and went out to the warehouse. I gave her my watch so she could use the stopwatch to time us. First I went, then Dave. I was sure he would kick my butt (he was sure he’d kick my butt too). I beat him by 5 seconds!
So there you have it; Raychel has been redeemed in the eyes of Dave Grigg. I’m so relieved God requires faith, not works.
Through the morning I worked on these reels consistently and as quickly as I could. Productivity is important to Grigg and if I go slower than he has deemed productive, he will take the task away from me.
When I stopped to take a break, Dave went back to check my work. He came back to the break room to tell me, “You’ve been averaging about 10 reels an hour. I can do between 20 and 30 an hour. You need to catch up to that.” He didn’t really say it kindly.
I went back and worked at a speed that left me feeling frantic and stressed. I got up to 17 an hour and felt like a failure. Dave came out and saw me stretching fly line across the floor and said, “It’s easier if you use those spools. No wonder you’re going so slow.” But I explained how the fly line tended to tangle a lot more if I used the spools. Still, he didn’t seem satisfied with my work.
After awhile I began to realize that the level of stress I felt came from my unhealthy fear of Dave Grigg. I did not want the punishment of hearing all my faults (even as made-up in the mind of Dave Grigg as they were) laid out for me and set to the tune of blame and self-righteous indignation. I spent a few days praying that God would help me take Dave off the throne of wrathful deity in my heart, allowing God complete Kingship once again.
We ran out of backing a couple days later and I was set free from the task for a few weeks. Recently we got backing and more fly line in and I was asked to continue this task.
I began the task with trepidation, worrying that I still wouldn’t be able to go fast enough (even though the new fly line came on a spool) and that Dave would get frustrated with me again. Then I began making up conversations with him in which he approached me to give me a “talking to” but I had a few words for him in retaliation. When I was through bashing Dave I moved on to other people and incidences in my life that are a frustration.
And so I discovered that stress can open the door for Satan to harass me.
I realized after a few hours of this that I hadn’t had a positive thought all morning. I begin praying for help. Every time the bad thoughts began, I had to stop them and begin praying again. It takes a lot of discipline at a level which I can’t seem to keep up so the day never got any better for me.
That evening I read a verse suggested for our discussion at home community:
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:6
It was interesting to read that after my day at work so I continued to read and found: “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10.
For some reason I found comfort in these words and I knew I would need some sort of defense the next day at work. However, I remembered that one of the things Dave had expressed disgruntlement about was my reading my Bible on the job (“I’m glad you’re in the Word but you shouldn’t do it on my time.”) I knew, but he didn’t know, that all I do is open my Bible, glance at the verse, then leave the Bible open to remind me of what I am focusing on. I don’t sit there and spend 5 minutes looking for something juicy to read and then spend another 15 minutes meditating on this juicy stuff and then, with a final 5 minute prayer, get back to work.
The next day I approached Dave and asked him if I could have my Bible out and told him what it is I do with it. He then wanted to know what was going on that made me need to seek defense in God’s word. I couldn’t tell him that he had caused so much stress for me that Satan had found an open door with which to harass me so I told him about something else going on in my life which was sufficiently juicy enough that he was satisfied. We prayed and he let me go, complete with gracious permission granted to have my Bible open.
I need to stop the attitude toward this man!
As I worked, I timed myself and, as I had noticed the day before, I was consistently finishing almost 10 reels every 20 minutes! I was so proud I went and told Dave at the end of the day how well I was doing. His response was, “Now do you want to see who can do it faster?” (Another thing he was angry with me about that one day was that I had denied him the opportunity to compete with me over who could bag these little fly boxes faster. I was new and he was making me nervous and I told him I wasn’t very competitive.)
“Let’s do it!” I said.
We dragged Krista out of her office and went out to the warehouse. I gave her my watch so she could use the stopwatch to time us. First I went, then Dave. I was sure he would kick my butt (he was sure he’d kick my butt too). I beat him by 5 seconds!
So there you have it; Raychel has been redeemed in the eyes of Dave Grigg. I’m so relieved God requires faith, not works.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Grace and Mercy
A couple weekends ago God was speaking to me about something I didn't really want to hear. I've been reading through the Gospels again (you really can't do that too much or too often) but this time much, much more slowly than ever before and the Bible I've been using is a chronological one. One morning I read a part from Luke 4 after Jesus went to His home town and read and taught from Isaiah:
“All spoke well of Him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from His lips. 'Isn't this Joseph's son?' they asked.
“Jesus said to them, 'Surely you will quote this proverb to me: “Physician, heal yourself! Do here in your hometown what we have heard that you did in Capernaum.”' Luke 4:22-23
My parents are proud to share that when I was a baby they had me dedicated and the one who did the dedication was the founder of their church, John Robert Stevens. They also love to brag that my dedication became something special for my dad; JRS laid hands on my dad and prophesied that he would be a prophet of love.
I've heard this over and over throughout my life but over the years it has lost its special flavor and become moldy and unpalatable.
A prophet of love, eh? Show me, dad, where's the love in your family? How do you show your love to your family? Oh, wait, you messed up, didn't you.
“Physician, heal yourself!”
I'm pretty sure I want as much ammo against my dad as possible so I have excuses not to engage in a relationship with him. But then God started showing me about the difference between grace and mercy.
Grace is God's (and our) ability to forgive. Mercy is what that relationship looks like after the forgiveness happens. Grace and mercy are both a two-way street.
In order to accept God's grace, we must recognize that we have been living in sin, that God has every right and reason to reject us, but that, if we accept His forgiveness, we can receive His grace and live in a right relationship to Him. The “right relationship” is mercy. Once we have accepted His grace, we can have a relationship with Him through prayer, reading our Bibles, and fellowship. But we must be able to accept that His grace gives us the opportunity to relate to Him, and then be willing to spend time developing that relationship. God never withholds grace or mercy from us; what He wants more than anything is relationships with His children.
Then He tells us to forgive and live in “right relationships” with one another. I have been working on extending grace to my dad but I have been very unwilling to extend mercy. In other words, I am withholding myself from a relationship with him – in a sense, punishing him for being a weird and distant father.
This doesn't mean that our relationship should look like every perfect father-daughter relationship, or should be everything he ever dreamed it could be. God can give all of Himself. Often we cannot – and I think that's alright. When my dad calls me “baby” or kisses me on the back of the neck, he makes me feel uncomfortable; we're not that close and I can't pretend that we are so I have every right to ask him to stop. Still, I should find time to sit down at a meal with him and have a conversation, maybe call his phone every once in a while to see how he's doing.
I don't need any more ammo against my dad; what I need is to obey my Lord and remember what it cost Him to give us Himself. He wanted relationships with us so badly that He was willing to give up His Son's life. His Son asked us to be like the Father, forgiving and being merciful to one another.
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36
I'm not giving myself excuses but it's really hard to put into practice. When I'm around my dad I feel nearly repelled by him; I want nothing to do with him at all. A friend of mine recently said, “Pray about that specifically! Pray about it a lot.” And so I shall.
I finished “Bright Evening Star” by Madeleine L'Engle and I strongly recommend it. I have requested another of her books from the library because I liked this one so much.
“All spoke well of Him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from His lips. 'Isn't this Joseph's son?' they asked.
“Jesus said to them, 'Surely you will quote this proverb to me: “Physician, heal yourself! Do here in your hometown what we have heard that you did in Capernaum.”' Luke 4:22-23
My parents are proud to share that when I was a baby they had me dedicated and the one who did the dedication was the founder of their church, John Robert Stevens. They also love to brag that my dedication became something special for my dad; JRS laid hands on my dad and prophesied that he would be a prophet of love.
I've heard this over and over throughout my life but over the years it has lost its special flavor and become moldy and unpalatable.
A prophet of love, eh? Show me, dad, where's the love in your family? How do you show your love to your family? Oh, wait, you messed up, didn't you.
“Physician, heal yourself!”
I'm pretty sure I want as much ammo against my dad as possible so I have excuses not to engage in a relationship with him. But then God started showing me about the difference between grace and mercy.
Grace is God's (and our) ability to forgive. Mercy is what that relationship looks like after the forgiveness happens. Grace and mercy are both a two-way street.
In order to accept God's grace, we must recognize that we have been living in sin, that God has every right and reason to reject us, but that, if we accept His forgiveness, we can receive His grace and live in a right relationship to Him. The “right relationship” is mercy. Once we have accepted His grace, we can have a relationship with Him through prayer, reading our Bibles, and fellowship. But we must be able to accept that His grace gives us the opportunity to relate to Him, and then be willing to spend time developing that relationship. God never withholds grace or mercy from us; what He wants more than anything is relationships with His children.
Then He tells us to forgive and live in “right relationships” with one another. I have been working on extending grace to my dad but I have been very unwilling to extend mercy. In other words, I am withholding myself from a relationship with him – in a sense, punishing him for being a weird and distant father.
This doesn't mean that our relationship should look like every perfect father-daughter relationship, or should be everything he ever dreamed it could be. God can give all of Himself. Often we cannot – and I think that's alright. When my dad calls me “baby” or kisses me on the back of the neck, he makes me feel uncomfortable; we're not that close and I can't pretend that we are so I have every right to ask him to stop. Still, I should find time to sit down at a meal with him and have a conversation, maybe call his phone every once in a while to see how he's doing.
I don't need any more ammo against my dad; what I need is to obey my Lord and remember what it cost Him to give us Himself. He wanted relationships with us so badly that He was willing to give up His Son's life. His Son asked us to be like the Father, forgiving and being merciful to one another.
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36
I'm not giving myself excuses but it's really hard to put into practice. When I'm around my dad I feel nearly repelled by him; I want nothing to do with him at all. A friend of mine recently said, “Pray about that specifically! Pray about it a lot.” And so I shall.
I finished “Bright Evening Star” by Madeleine L'Engle and I strongly recommend it. I have requested another of her books from the library because I liked this one so much.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Challenging Possibilities
I have started reading the book “Bright Evening Star” by Madeleine L’Engle, in which she contemplates the Incarnation. It’s a wonderful book! I’m loving every word. She talks about discoveries in science: Galileo’s theory that the earth is not actually the center of the universe; Bruno’s claim of the existence of a plurality of worlds and their eternity; Darwin’s theory of evolution.
“Our growth in knowledge changed our understanding of the universe, but surely it neither changed nor threatened God…Could God love us as much if we were merely a planet in an ordinary solar system in a spiral galaxy, instead of the center of the universe? To some people it seemed that the intimate God who loves us, knows us, blesses us, could not be great enough to cope with the billions of galaxies flying away from us and still have attention for us creatures. But yes! Yes, our God is great enough to love us despite the enormity of Creation.”
I once read most of the book “The Case for a Creator” and I remember coming away with the feeling that God wants me to know I am not at the center of the universe. All things revolve around Him and His love and His holiness; all things are sustained by His omnipotence and His omniscience and His self-existence.
She considers the question of free will a little and makes this comment:
“When it was believed that everything was already predetermined, from the beginning to the end, free will was more of an empty phrase than a challenging possibility.”
I consider the term “challenging possibility” and remember that Jesus said, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matt 5:48). Maybe a wee bit more than “challenging” but Jesus didn’t say it for no reason. Then I remember that He said, “With God all things are possible” (Matt 19:26).
Speaking of challenging possibilities, the other day I discovered that I actually like my boss. It was a surprise to me. And a few days later he told me I was doing a good job! And that he and Krista will miss me when I go! And now, every once in awhile, they make comments about how maybe I should abandon ministry and stay with them.
My church has just resumed going through the book of Ephesians, picking back up in chapter 4. Three words were defined for us on Sunday.
Humility: setting aside what could be yours for the benefit of another
Gentleness: cutting someone a break, especially when they don’t deserve it
Patience: making allowances for someone else’s shortcomings
Free will.
Imagine – instead of grasping for power, authority, etc – being humble, gentle, and patient. Imagine the Body of Christ being knit together as one. Imagine my boss and me not only tolerating each other, not only getting along but sharing life, walking alongside each other, holding each other up... seeing Jesus in one another (no way!).
“Our growth in knowledge changed our understanding of the universe, but surely it neither changed nor threatened God…Could God love us as much if we were merely a planet in an ordinary solar system in a spiral galaxy, instead of the center of the universe? To some people it seemed that the intimate God who loves us, knows us, blesses us, could not be great enough to cope with the billions of galaxies flying away from us and still have attention for us creatures. But yes! Yes, our God is great enough to love us despite the enormity of Creation.”
I once read most of the book “The Case for a Creator” and I remember coming away with the feeling that God wants me to know I am not at the center of the universe. All things revolve around Him and His love and His holiness; all things are sustained by His omnipotence and His omniscience and His self-existence.
She considers the question of free will a little and makes this comment:
“When it was believed that everything was already predetermined, from the beginning to the end, free will was more of an empty phrase than a challenging possibility.”
I consider the term “challenging possibility” and remember that Jesus said, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matt 5:48). Maybe a wee bit more than “challenging” but Jesus didn’t say it for no reason. Then I remember that He said, “With God all things are possible” (Matt 19:26).
Speaking of challenging possibilities, the other day I discovered that I actually like my boss. It was a surprise to me. And a few days later he told me I was doing a good job! And that he and Krista will miss me when I go! And now, every once in awhile, they make comments about how maybe I should abandon ministry and stay with them.
My church has just resumed going through the book of Ephesians, picking back up in chapter 4. Three words were defined for us on Sunday.
Humility: setting aside what could be yours for the benefit of another
Gentleness: cutting someone a break, especially when they don’t deserve it
Patience: making allowances for someone else’s shortcomings
Free will.
Imagine – instead of grasping for power, authority, etc – being humble, gentle, and patient. Imagine the Body of Christ being knit together as one. Imagine my boss and me not only tolerating each other, not only getting along but sharing life, walking alongside each other, holding each other up... seeing Jesus in one another (no way!).
Sometimes (most of the time) the only reason I don't live this way is because I don't trust God; I don't fully understand that He has a plan and if I surrender to it, all things will come out right.
I look back at that day Dave was angry with me and I'm so glad for how I trusted God. It's a moment to marvel at and feel excited about and be proud of.
I have to go.
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