My solo day today was spent on Angel’s Rest in the Gorge. The hike up was awesome but not as satisfying as I’d hoped. I wanted to talk to God the whole way up - like one would a friend one is hiking with - but kept fantasizing about things instead. I have a problem with my imagination; it’s always running away with me.
One thing was established on the way up. During 4th of July weekend, I believe God gave me a hint of something my future may hold. However, it’s a long way off, if it ever happens at all. I can’t disclose what, exactly, He has told me but I can tell you that it scares me. Not in a “that’s a horrible thing I hope it never happens!” way but in a “Is that even possible?” way. But with the knowledge that He may call me to something I see as impossible, I know that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.
On our way up to Angel’s Rest I told Him, “I will go.” To which He responded, “Be still.”
The God of heaven and earth is the most exasperating individual in all of eternity! It seems to me as though that is the most frequent answer to all my prayers. Sometimes I want to ask, “What is this ‘Be still’ crap?”
Thankfully “Be still” is not the same thing as “Do nothing.” For now I will “Be still” while continuing to do ministry through YD Adventures, finding a part time job to pay off my debt, and serving the Lord in other small but meaningful ways. I can only do the things He has set before me to do and wait until He tells me to take the next step.
I’ll tell you one thing; my life has not ceased being an adventure since I gave it to Christ. It’s not always easy or fun but it’s frequently challenging and always worth living. Jesus did, after all, tell us that He came so we could have life to the full (John 10:10).
But that takes believing in and following Jesus. God created us for Himself and so we can never have life to the full as long as we are living it for ourselves. “Be still,” He tells us, “and know that I am God.” What does it mean to know He is God? It means to understand that He is Lord and Creator, that He holds all power and all our rights, that He is the author of our faith and the inventor of grace, that He is love, and then to respond by bending our knees and bowing our heads in surrender and proclaiming, “He is God!”
I write this and at the same time realize that I have to go through this process daily. I am only human and it is a struggle to give up my selfishness and let Christ rule in my heart. But I would rather have God’s adventure for my life than my own selfish ways any day.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Light
“If God allows the sun to shine upon you moment by moment, without intermission, will not God let His life shine upon you every moment? And why have you not experienced it? Because you have not trusted God for it, and you do not surrender yourself absolutely to God in that trust.” *Murray, 8
“In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” John 1:4-5
What the light reveals in us is death (“… for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” Romans 3:23; “For the wages of sin is death…” Romans 6:23a). We do not trust God so we close all the blinds of our soul, hoping to shut out the light (“And this is the judgment, that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their deeds were evil” John 3:19). What we don’t realize is that we are hiding nothing from the light; it sees all (“Even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.” Psalm 139:12). We are merely blinding ourselves from the light and what it reveals, effectively keeping us from discovering the life this light provides.
“…but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23b
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” Romans 8:1-2
“…I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.” John 10:10b
* “Absolute Surrender” by Andrew Murray
“In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” John 1:4-5
What the light reveals in us is death (“… for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” Romans 3:23; “For the wages of sin is death…” Romans 6:23a). We do not trust God so we close all the blinds of our soul, hoping to shut out the light (“And this is the judgment, that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their deeds were evil” John 3:19). What we don’t realize is that we are hiding nothing from the light; it sees all (“Even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.” Psalm 139:12). We are merely blinding ourselves from the light and what it reveals, effectively keeping us from discovering the life this light provides.
“…but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23b
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” Romans 8:1-2
“…I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.” John 10:10b
* “Absolute Surrender” by Andrew Murray
Monday, June 15, 2009
Ebenezer
I had the luxury of going up to the Long Beach Peninsula in WA this past spring. My parents own some lovely bay front property in Oysterville and I occasionally snag the opportunity to go up there alone and pray. I especially try to do this before the YD summer kicks off. I love solo retreats but I remember the last one I took; I had high expectations which weren’t met and I was extremely disappointed. I made up my mind then that I would never go into my retreats with my own agenda again. Instead, I would go in prayerfully and ready to accept what God had for me.
I mentioned this at our Southgate women’s Bible study and it was suggested to me that I go into this solo retreat with only the expectation of letting the Lord enjoy me. I liked this idea and prayed for days, “Lord, what can I do to make sure You can enjoy me?” The only direction I got from the Lord was, “Know that I am good.” Thus, I left Friday morning with only the ideas “God is good” and “let Him enjoy me” on my heart.
(Hahaha, as I type this, the song “God is Good” by Enter the Worship Circle just started playing on my computer. Awesome!)
God is good! He is far too good for my mind or imagination to comprehend.
After I got settled into the trailer and had walked out to say hello to the Willapa Bay I settled down with my Bible and a couple devotional books, including “The Calvary Road” by Roy Hession. Our director at YD Adventures had been encouraging us to read the interview in the back of this book and so I opened it up and began to read. I didn’t get very far before something that I still think is incredible happened. Here’s my journal entry from that moment:
From “The Calvary Road” p 112:
“And I remember one of them said, ‘Roy, you need to repent.’ I said, ‘Where do I need to repent?’ In all honesty I didn’t know - I was working so hard, I was praying so much, I was preaching so strong, doing so much.”
I read this and no further before I felt the urge to get down on my face and repent for trying so hard. It felt ridiculous and over dramatic but who really cares? No one’s here! So I wept and repented for trying and admitted that I don’t know how not to. I asked, “When can I start living as a child of God? Why am I waiting until I’m perfect?” Then I admitted to feeling bad that I have to take, take, take but suddenly realized that You are infinite so You can give, give, give and that’s what You want; that’s what You’re asking for.
So, Lord, teach me to stop trying and start taking. Screw perfectionism. I’m just going to take because You’re offering and I’m going to keep taking until I’m overflowing and then I’m going to GIVE what You’ve GIVEN me and I’m going to revel in the joy of TAKING and not TRYING!
I then left for the beach and watched the sun set, giddy with joy and feeling as though a huge weight had been taken from my shoulders. The rest of the weekend God confirmed that message to me through the Bible and books I was reading.
One conversation Jesus and I had on the beach was about His blood. Roy Hession writes a lot about being cleansed by the blood of Jesus. Deep down inside I always had the impression that, although Jesus gave His blood freely, it was my responsibility to wash myself. I was so confused as to how to actually “apply the blood” that I rarely felt as though my sins had been cleansed by His blood. As the sun was disappearing behind our slowly revolving earth, Jesus told me that I am not responsible for scrubbing myself clean. I need only surrender myself to Him, ask to be cleansed by His blood; He’ll do all the washing. No more trying.
I’d been reading through Romans for many weeks by the time I went to WA for my retreat. Here’s another piece to my journal:
Haha! I feel like I just found the proper meaning of this verse:
“He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” Romans 8:32
You don’t want us to try and do it on our own. You want us to take. You are freely giving us all things.
Give, give, give, that’s what the God I know does. Lord, I pray to receive your gifts freely. Open my hands and teach me to take from You. Disallow me to try any longer. If I belong to You - which I do - then I shall receive every good thing from You.
“Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow.” James 1:17
The Bible is riddled with God offering us free gifts. I think I always just looked at this and thought, “That’s nice of Him,” without actually receiving any of these gifts. Here He is: infinite, omnipotent, sovereign, and I’m rejecting His gifts (postulating: ) “because I might need them later.”
I need them now!
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
The same day I opened up “Prayer” by Richard Foster and read:
“Instead of striving to make this or that happen, we learn trust in a heavenly Father who loves to give. This does not promote inactivity, but it does promote dependent activity. No longer do we take things into our own hands. Rather, we place all things into divine hands and then act out of inner promptings.” p 96
Later I read psalm 145. This verse stuck out:
“Thou dost open Thy hand, and dost satisfy the desire of every living thing.” vs. 16
To this I responded:
I imagine shy, flighty birds finding One whose peace and goodness is such that they are willing to sit in and eat from His hand. And I think that’s true and Your hand is always open and we are always invited to eat from it. What I desire is to stay and never leave.
Then from Romans I read:
“But as for Israel He says, ‘All the day long I have stretched out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people.” Romans 10:21
I always thought of God’s hand stretching palm side down, as though to take our hand. After reading Psalm 145 I see in my mind God stretching out cupped hands saying, “It’s free! Take it!” He’s holding out a free gift, urging us to take it.
Still later I read:
“For the scripture says, ‘Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.’ For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call upon Him; for ‘Whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved.’” Romans 10:11-13
Then:
“It is so often self who tries to live the Christian life (the mere fact that we use the word ‘try’ indicates that it is self who has the responsibility)” The Calvary Road p 22
“… the only life that pleases God and that can be victorious is His life - never our own life, no matter how hard we try.” The Calvary Road p 25
The message is very clear. No more trying. Let be continually broken before You, continually washed in the blood. Lord, this is what I want to take with me from this weekend; no more trying; not “I” but Christ in me and through me.
I think I need to keep in mind that this is still a process. I have much to learn and many old habits You need to break. Ah, brokenness!
Since that weekend I have experientially learned that this is indeed a process. I have forgotten to ask for God’s infinite gifts; I have tried really hard; I have been prideful; I have failed. I have even been enormously frustrated with myself for not remembering to do it right. But each time I “fail” I take one step closer to better understanding that what God offers is free, infinite, and available whenever I ask for it. Each time I “fail” I take one step closer to remembering that I need only ask and He will give.
I have explained as much of this through scripture as I can because 1. That’s how God explained it to me and 2. As God says in Isaiah 55:10-11, “For the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth, and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so shall My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.”
I mentioned this at our Southgate women’s Bible study and it was suggested to me that I go into this solo retreat with only the expectation of letting the Lord enjoy me. I liked this idea and prayed for days, “Lord, what can I do to make sure You can enjoy me?” The only direction I got from the Lord was, “Know that I am good.” Thus, I left Friday morning with only the ideas “God is good” and “let Him enjoy me” on my heart.
(Hahaha, as I type this, the song “God is Good” by Enter the Worship Circle just started playing on my computer. Awesome!)
God is good! He is far too good for my mind or imagination to comprehend.
After I got settled into the trailer and had walked out to say hello to the Willapa Bay I settled down with my Bible and a couple devotional books, including “The Calvary Road” by Roy Hession. Our director at YD Adventures had been encouraging us to read the interview in the back of this book and so I opened it up and began to read. I didn’t get very far before something that I still think is incredible happened. Here’s my journal entry from that moment:
From “The Calvary Road” p 112:
“And I remember one of them said, ‘Roy, you need to repent.’ I said, ‘Where do I need to repent?’ In all honesty I didn’t know - I was working so hard, I was praying so much, I was preaching so strong, doing so much.”
I read this and no further before I felt the urge to get down on my face and repent for trying so hard. It felt ridiculous and over dramatic but who really cares? No one’s here! So I wept and repented for trying and admitted that I don’t know how not to. I asked, “When can I start living as a child of God? Why am I waiting until I’m perfect?” Then I admitted to feeling bad that I have to take, take, take but suddenly realized that You are infinite so You can give, give, give and that’s what You want; that’s what You’re asking for.
So, Lord, teach me to stop trying and start taking. Screw perfectionism. I’m just going to take because You’re offering and I’m going to keep taking until I’m overflowing and then I’m going to GIVE what You’ve GIVEN me and I’m going to revel in the joy of TAKING and not TRYING!
I then left for the beach and watched the sun set, giddy with joy and feeling as though a huge weight had been taken from my shoulders. The rest of the weekend God confirmed that message to me through the Bible and books I was reading.
One conversation Jesus and I had on the beach was about His blood. Roy Hession writes a lot about being cleansed by the blood of Jesus. Deep down inside I always had the impression that, although Jesus gave His blood freely, it was my responsibility to wash myself. I was so confused as to how to actually “apply the blood” that I rarely felt as though my sins had been cleansed by His blood. As the sun was disappearing behind our slowly revolving earth, Jesus told me that I am not responsible for scrubbing myself clean. I need only surrender myself to Him, ask to be cleansed by His blood; He’ll do all the washing. No more trying.
I’d been reading through Romans for many weeks by the time I went to WA for my retreat. Here’s another piece to my journal:
Haha! I feel like I just found the proper meaning of this verse:
“He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” Romans 8:32
You don’t want us to try and do it on our own. You want us to take. You are freely giving us all things.
Give, give, give, that’s what the God I know does. Lord, I pray to receive your gifts freely. Open my hands and teach me to take from You. Disallow me to try any longer. If I belong to You - which I do - then I shall receive every good thing from You.
“Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow.” James 1:17
The Bible is riddled with God offering us free gifts. I think I always just looked at this and thought, “That’s nice of Him,” without actually receiving any of these gifts. Here He is: infinite, omnipotent, sovereign, and I’m rejecting His gifts (postulating: ) “because I might need them later.”
I need them now!
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
The same day I opened up “Prayer” by Richard Foster and read:
“Instead of striving to make this or that happen, we learn trust in a heavenly Father who loves to give. This does not promote inactivity, but it does promote dependent activity. No longer do we take things into our own hands. Rather, we place all things into divine hands and then act out of inner promptings.” p 96
Later I read psalm 145. This verse stuck out:
“Thou dost open Thy hand, and dost satisfy the desire of every living thing.” vs. 16
To this I responded:
I imagine shy, flighty birds finding One whose peace and goodness is such that they are willing to sit in and eat from His hand. And I think that’s true and Your hand is always open and we are always invited to eat from it. What I desire is to stay and never leave.
Then from Romans I read:
“But as for Israel He says, ‘All the day long I have stretched out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people.” Romans 10:21
I always thought of God’s hand stretching palm side down, as though to take our hand. After reading Psalm 145 I see in my mind God stretching out cupped hands saying, “It’s free! Take it!” He’s holding out a free gift, urging us to take it.
Still later I read:
“For the scripture says, ‘Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.’ For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call upon Him; for ‘Whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved.’” Romans 10:11-13
Then:
“It is so often self who tries to live the Christian life (the mere fact that we use the word ‘try’ indicates that it is self who has the responsibility)” The Calvary Road p 22
“… the only life that pleases God and that can be victorious is His life - never our own life, no matter how hard we try.” The Calvary Road p 25
The message is very clear. No more trying. Let be continually broken before You, continually washed in the blood. Lord, this is what I want to take with me from this weekend; no more trying; not “I” but Christ in me and through me.
I think I need to keep in mind that this is still a process. I have much to learn and many old habits You need to break. Ah, brokenness!
Since that weekend I have experientially learned that this is indeed a process. I have forgotten to ask for God’s infinite gifts; I have tried really hard; I have been prideful; I have failed. I have even been enormously frustrated with myself for not remembering to do it right. But each time I “fail” I take one step closer to better understanding that what God offers is free, infinite, and available whenever I ask for it. Each time I “fail” I take one step closer to remembering that I need only ask and He will give.
I have explained as much of this through scripture as I can because 1. That’s how God explained it to me and 2. As God says in Isaiah 55:10-11, “For the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth, and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so shall My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.”
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Our Bodies
“My legs are too short”… “I’m so fat”… “My calves are too big”… “I have thunder thighs” … “There’s this roll of fat around my midsection I can’t get rid of”.
And so we go, if not externally then internally. Right, ladies?
I’ve been having a thought lately. The point was made to me recently through the book of James that, to God, all sin is equal whereas mankind rates sin. Rape is worse than adultery; murder is worse than verbally attacking someone; driving drunk is worse than driving over the speed limit, etc. But Christians learn to understand that, if all sin is equal in the eyes of God then committing adultery is just as bad as rape which is just as bad as verbally attacking someone which is just as bad as… Sin is sin and all sin must be repented of.
I think we do a similar thing with out bodies. Someone, somewhere, somehow, has created a standard. If you don’t fit into this standard, you’re not gorgeous. We are always comparing our bodies to other people‘s - women being worse, I think, then men (men maybe do this more with other things?) and I, personally, being one of the worst I know - listing all our “shortcomings” and beating ourselves up for not living up to this “standard”.
What if we understood that the true judge of beauty is God? What standard, then, must we live up to? He created our bodies; has God ever done anything less then perfectly? I would say not!
I am tired of trying to live my life to shallow standards created by mankind. Free me, Lord, to see my body as one of Your perfect creations. And, Lord, set my thinking straight; the purpose of my body is as one tool to serve You and see You glorified. It is nothing more than that. My body is not what brings me life, joy, or freedom; only You do can do that.
The correlation between the two is only that mankind creates these standards and then we live by them, believing them to be true, while God is calling us to live by His standards, which are Truth. I want to live by God’s standards and not man’s.
Oh, one more thing: God may do things perfectly but we forever fall short of perfection. Thus, He may have created a perfect body to house your spirit; still, if you are glutinous or lazy or just don't have time to take care of yourself, you may get fat. Or, if you're starving yourself to fit into man's standard, your body is equally unhealthy to any fat person's. I encourage you to take care of your body! It's the temple of God's Holy Spirit!
And so we go, if not externally then internally. Right, ladies?
I’ve been having a thought lately. The point was made to me recently through the book of James that, to God, all sin is equal whereas mankind rates sin. Rape is worse than adultery; murder is worse than verbally attacking someone; driving drunk is worse than driving over the speed limit, etc. But Christians learn to understand that, if all sin is equal in the eyes of God then committing adultery is just as bad as rape which is just as bad as verbally attacking someone which is just as bad as… Sin is sin and all sin must be repented of.
I think we do a similar thing with out bodies. Someone, somewhere, somehow, has created a standard. If you don’t fit into this standard, you’re not gorgeous. We are always comparing our bodies to other people‘s - women being worse, I think, then men (men maybe do this more with other things?) and I, personally, being one of the worst I know - listing all our “shortcomings” and beating ourselves up for not living up to this “standard”.
What if we understood that the true judge of beauty is God? What standard, then, must we live up to? He created our bodies; has God ever done anything less then perfectly? I would say not!
I am tired of trying to live my life to shallow standards created by mankind. Free me, Lord, to see my body as one of Your perfect creations. And, Lord, set my thinking straight; the purpose of my body is as one tool to serve You and see You glorified. It is nothing more than that. My body is not what brings me life, joy, or freedom; only You do can do that.
The correlation between the two is only that mankind creates these standards and then we live by them, believing them to be true, while God is calling us to live by His standards, which are Truth. I want to live by God’s standards and not man’s.
Oh, one more thing: God may do things perfectly but we forever fall short of perfection. Thus, He may have created a perfect body to house your spirit; still, if you are glutinous or lazy or just don't have time to take care of yourself, you may get fat. Or, if you're starving yourself to fit into man's standard, your body is equally unhealthy to any fat person's. I encourage you to take care of your body! It's the temple of God's Holy Spirit!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Controlled By Love?
My decision to do lectio with 2 Cor 5:14-15 this morning was made because verse 15 says, “…they who live should no longer live for themselves…” because I very much so want to learn, in my heart, that life does not revolve around me.
And so I read:
“For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.”
That very first line, “For the love of Christ controls us…” struck me hard. I am controlled by my lusts and passions, by my hates. I am a slave to sin! If only I was controlled by the love of Christ!
Although I don’t think I fully grasp the next part, “…that one died for all, therefore all died…” it did strike me as I read it and the part after, “… and He died for all..” that God died. That should be the most momentous occasion in all of history! Good thing it was “only” God in the flesh that died; if His Spirit were destroyed (which is impossible), we would all be snuffed out, “…for in Him we live and move and exist…” Acts 17:28. Without God, we cannot exist.
How do I accept the sacrifice of God dying on my behalf (I am not controlled by His love but by sin thus I deserve death but His death gave me life if I choose to accept His sacrifice, which I have.)? I suppose, simply (“simple” in theory), that I would die to myself and live for Him, thus living controlled by His love.
It actually kind of shocks me, thinking about it now, how I have accepted His death on my behalf and yet do not live controlled by His love. What a slap in God’s face!
And so I read:
“For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.”
That very first line, “For the love of Christ controls us…” struck me hard. I am controlled by my lusts and passions, by my hates. I am a slave to sin! If only I was controlled by the love of Christ!
Although I don’t think I fully grasp the next part, “…that one died for all, therefore all died…” it did strike me as I read it and the part after, “… and He died for all..” that God died. That should be the most momentous occasion in all of history! Good thing it was “only” God in the flesh that died; if His Spirit were destroyed (which is impossible), we would all be snuffed out, “…for in Him we live and move and exist…” Acts 17:28. Without God, we cannot exist.
How do I accept the sacrifice of God dying on my behalf (I am not controlled by His love but by sin thus I deserve death but His death gave me life if I choose to accept His sacrifice, which I have.)? I suppose, simply (“simple” in theory), that I would die to myself and live for Him, thus living controlled by His love.
It actually kind of shocks me, thinking about it now, how I have accepted His death on my behalf and yet do not live controlled by His love. What a slap in God’s face!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Today
"Oh Lord, You have searched me and known me." Psalm 139:1
Today I invited God to see the rotten core inside me...
...and He told me He loves me.
Today I invited God to see the rotten core inside me...
...and He told me He loves me.
Friday, February 27, 2009
From My Journal
“Oh Lord, You have searched me and known.” Psalm 139:1
During yesterday’s lectio divina I heard God speak through this verse about the intimacy He and I have with one another. Through this verse today He spoke to me of the Holy Spirit; I was reaching inside myself to hear Him and I thought, “Why would I do that? Where is God?” I remembered the Holy Spirit and then Romans 8:26-27 came to mind.
Lord, I am kneeling here wondering how I could give You my life then snatch it back; how could I give You my life then build walls so You can’t have it? When I try to do this lectio, when I try to be quiet before You, I sense those walls. And even though I built them, I am powerless to knock them down. I can do nothing; You must do it.
So I give You my walls.
During yesterday’s lectio divina I heard God speak through this verse about the intimacy He and I have with one another. Through this verse today He spoke to me of the Holy Spirit; I was reaching inside myself to hear Him and I thought, “Why would I do that? Where is God?” I remembered the Holy Spirit and then Romans 8:26-27 came to mind.
Lord, I am kneeling here wondering how I could give You my life then snatch it back; how could I give You my life then build walls so You can’t have it? When I try to do this lectio, when I try to be quiet before You, I sense those walls. And even though I built them, I am powerless to knock them down. I can do nothing; You must do it.
So I give You my walls.
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