Canyonview RAP

A couple weeks ago I was worried that I wasn’t going to be on very many trips. Now I’m wondering if I’ll have the energy for all the trips I’m scheduled for. Yay! That makes me happy.

Last week I was the trip coordinator for a River Adventure Program (RAP) for the first time ever. Canyonview, a horse camp down in Silverton, runs an adventure camp every summer and they hire us to do all the fun stuff. This summer was our first RAP together and, since I had led their trips for the past few years, I requested to lead this one as well. I was excited both to be on a RAP (they’re one of our best trips) and to be the trip coordinator for it.

Five students and 3 Canyonview staff joined us for this trip. We had one returning student and I remember her being remarkably strong in the Lord for a person her age. The other 4 were a conglomeration of believers, non-believers, mature, and not-so-mature. Of the 3 Canyonview staff, 2 had been on trips with us before; they have become familiar, comfortable people to work with and I know that their staff and our staff share the common goal of wanting to see kids come to know and grow in the Lord.

I think I set the bar too high for myself on this trip. Not only was I going to do a fantastic job as the trip leader but I was going to have one-on-ones with all the students and we were going to have amazingly spiritual conversations. Instead, at the end of the trip I felt as though I had been very disconnected from the group as a whole and my being on the trip was basically a waste of everyone’s time.

I’ve had ample time to process the trip and discuss it with a few of my co-workers. I now realize that I did a very good job on this trip. I proved myself flexible to our schedule, decisive, willing to listen to advice, sensitive to the needs of the group, and able to engage spiritually when it was important. Still, I made some mistakes that I get learn from: precautions to take in order to avoid logistical mishaps, being firm with students without letting their attitudes get to me, and not taking my guide stick out of the water just before Shark’s Hole when my crew is not balanced.

Ah, yes. Shark’s Hole. I had one strong paddler and three not-so-strong paddlers. I knew Shark’s Hole would have a special punch to it so I prepared for the hole by taking my guide stick out of the water and ducking into the boat (I am not a coward; this hole will literally launch me toward the front of the boat causing much pain on impact). The boat almost magically swung to the left and, when we hit the hole, the boat stopped and my entire right side kept going. We spent the next 10 minutes or so fishing people out of the river and checking to be sure everyone was ok.

The highlight of this trip for me was the Flagpole Hike. We started hiking from our campsite and climbed (hiked upwards) to the top of the canyon. It’s a steep, long hike and challenging for most people. When everyone reached the top you could feel the relief. DONE! And so high up! You get a beautiful view of the Deschutes River canyon as well as various mountains (Sisters, Jefferson, Three Finger Jack, to name a few). While we were up there I took some time to share part of my testimony with the group. We had been reading Colossians and earlier that day had discussed Col 2:8. I shared with these students how sold out I once was on what the world believes to be “only normal” such as sex before marriage, evolution, getting drunk, etc. I told them to look around and compare the view at the top of the canyon with the view they had while standing by the river. God’s view, I told them, is even greater than what we were experiencing up at the flagpole; He is the Creator of all we could see and more. He knows everything going on in our lives and even our hearts. He knows what is right for us and has shared that with us in His Word.

Well, I hope that’s how what I shared came across because that’s certainly what I intended to say. More than anything I hope that what I shared brought glory to God.

I am now preparing for two trips almost back-to-back. I will be coordinating Mosaic’s first trip with YD Adventures this coming week and the following week I will be coordinating the Sunrise Baptist Rope Rock Raft. There’s a possibility I may be on (but not coordinating) the Warner backpacking trip and I will be finishing off my summer with a stacked RAP (yes! They gave me another RAP to coordinate!!).

Please pray for the YD Adventures staff and that their energy is kept up as we press into the busiest part of our summer. Also that they stay connected with our Lord; ministry is difficult enough as is; to do it without preparing by spending time in the word and in prayer is nearly impossible (but young people don’t always realize that). Please pray that we work together in unity as the body of Christ, that we exemplify the love of Christ, and that students’ hearts are open and receptive to the gospel. Please pray for me that when I make mistakes I learn from them instead of fret over them, and pray that the Lord’s Spirit rejuvenates me and prepares me for each trip.

Thank you! I look forward to sharing with you what the Lord has done.

Praise and Prayer Update

Hello friends! It seems as though there are certain things that the Christian lifestyle revolves around but that we (I) don’t give the highest priority to. One of those things is prayer. Our staffing coordinator has committed to make praying for our staff a priority this year. Our director always mentions the importance of prayer in our ministry (since it is God at work and we need to rely on that). Also, Chris Adsit, author of this summer’s devotional, “Personal Disciple Making” is a huge advocate for relying first on prayer (“Prayer is the foundation of our discipling strategy because Jesus is the One who causes the growth.”) I think I’m getting it; prayer is our first and most important step of obedience, because it’s God who does the real work. After – and only after – we pray can we truly be available for the work He has for us. Thus, I wanted to take some time to share what’s going on at YD Adventures and how you can be praying for us.

Our new summer staff have finished their first week of raft training as well as low ropes challenge course training. They are doing well! Last night they left for rock climbing training (I will be joining them tonight). They have to learn how to tie certain knots and how to facilitate a climbing as well as a rappel station. Our second year summer staff will be learning how to send students on rappel and preparing their rappel talks (Rappelling presents a very, very teachable moment. If you’ve ever backed off a cliff, you know exactly what I mean).

Next week on Tuesday summer staff and trainers will be leaving for Point Runs/Raft 2, which is part of our raft training on the Deschutes River. They will be staying out there until Sunday night, making this one of the most difficult parts of training since no one sleeps well and each of them will be working hard every day that week. Please pray for endurance and perseverance for our summer staff and trainers.

Please pray that each of the summer staff continue to be molded and formed into humble, Spirit-filled vessels that the Lord will use this summer to bring teens to Him. I just want to say that we have an awesome crew working for the Lord at YD Adventures this summer. Thank You, Jesus!

In the month of June we have some very special trips coming up. NW Passages is a group of adults who go through a special 3-year discipleship program and who come to enjoy a day on the challenge course with us at the end of their first year. It’s odd facilitating people who are older than most of us but it’s an honor to kick off our season with people who are so dedicated to following the Lord. We will likely use this trip to help train our first year summer staff, giving them an opportunity to see how we run a challenge course.

Also in June is a trip with students from an alternative school. Please be praying that these students’ hearts will be tender and ready to hear and receive the gospel. Please pray for one-on-one opportunities for staff to share with these students and that staff would recognize, boldly snatch, and be intentional with these opportunities.

We have a camp in WA joining us for a rafting/IK (inflatable kayak) trip. Pray that we can come alongside the camp’s staff to live out and present the gospel to these teens. We are taking another camp’s staff rock climbing; please pray that this day aids in preparing them for a summer of ministry. Last, we have a multiday trip with a local church; please pray that the Creator of the heavens and earth reveals Himself tangibly on this trip and that their need for Jesus and His unconditional love for them is made clear.

My own personal prayer/praise requests are:

I have injured my arm. Looks like I strained the muscles responsible for pulling and twisting my wrist. If this doesn’t heal quickly and completely I will not be guiding this summer, which would be a bummer. However, I believe in the sovereignty of our Lord and that, if He keeps me off the river this summer, it is to serve His purposes. Still, please pray that it does heal quickly so I can guide.

I have had no trouble sleeping for some weeks now – praise the Lord! Please pray that this continues.

This year I am acting as the female summer staff coordinator. I am responsible for connecting with and discipling these ladies throughout the summer. What an honor! Please pray that I put these ladies’ comforts and needs before my own. Please pray that I learn how to serve in this capacity. Please pray that I approach this in humility as I have just as much to learn from them as they have from me.

The Difference Between Then and Now

I’m not sure how to share this; I’m not sure I’ve got the words yet, but I have a strong desire to share what I’m going through. Maybe people will understand; maybe they won’t. I don’t really think that matters; people like me who take the time to write things don’t do so in order that other people will understand, but so that the we, the writers, can better understand. That’s why my journal is one of the most important things about me.

When someone tells you they are struggling with depression, what do you think? Do you see someone laying in a darkened room, unwilling to get up, and thinking dark thoughts of death? Someone who can’t smile and possibly never stops crying?

My first thought when I woke up this morning was, “Now I’m going to have to get out of bed,” but it wasn’t too difficult to do so. Then I found myself in the bathroom thinking, “Maybe I made it all up. I’m doing fine.” And I worried that I was a liar.

The thing about depression is that it tricks you. It can come and go so that one moment you’re laughing and the next you feel hurt and abandoned and you want to find some dark place to crawl into and cry. Then you feel fine again and you think, “Well, I don’t know what that was. I shouldn’t tell anyone, though, because I’m fine now.”

Over five years ago I struggled with depression. It got pretty bad. I’m not sure how I hid it so well but I was recently reconnected with my Starbucks manager from that time and I asked him if I could explain everything that had been going on and he replied that he hadn’t noticed anything was wrong. I had apparently and effectively hidden my depression from everyone around me (except maybe my mom; I think she knew something was up).

I didn’t feel as though I had anyone to turn to; I was alone in the world. Every evening I came home and consumed a bottle of wine because without it I couldn’t fall asleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night sobbing for no reason except that’s how I felt inside. In the morning I would wake up and get out of bed like a robot, going to work and plastering that super fake Starbucks girl smile on my face. I spent the whole day hating everyone around me for everything they said to me and wishing - just wishing - I had someone to talk to. But I was convinced there was no one. I fantasized about death, imagining how much easier it would be if I just ended it all; but I knew that was too selfish and I could never pull it off.

It was during that time that I gave my life to Christ. I have never regretted my decision. Christ has given me life that I never want to go without again. When I imagine life without Him, I can only imagine a bleak and hopeless world that I don’t ever want to go back to.

So what now? I recognize the symptoms, though it’s not nearly as bad as it was five years ago. How does Christ make a difference in all this today? That’s what I’m really wondering. He’s with me; He’s giving me life. So how is this time different from last time?

Yesterday I cried for four hours. What set it off was an irrational feeling of abandonment from everyone. I had this hopeless feeling inside me and I knew I had to cut off all my friendships and stop trying to reach out to people before they could hurt me anymore. At the same time there was a small voice inside me (the Holy Spirit?) that said, “No! That’s all wrong! You are loved! Now is the time to reach out to the body of Christ. Do not lock them out.” I resisted this voice for as long as I could (it’s easier to believe there is no one than to muster the courage to ask for help). Finally, I sent out emails requesting prayer and I called my mom and told her what was going on. We talked for a long time and I just cried.

I was home alone nearly all day. I think that was God’s doing, putting me in a position where I would reach out for help for the first time in my life. I texted Jami and Shelli to see when they’d be home. Jami decided to call me back instead of text me (I think God did that on purpose as well) and could tell right away that I was not ok. She insisted that she could come home and within 45 minutes she was there, just sitting beside me. I knew I was loved. I received emails, and phone calls, and hugs from the people I live with, and all these things reminded me that I am loved.

And so, one big difference between then and now is that I have people to turn to - wonderful, tangible people.

Another difference - the biggest difference - is that I have hope. I know Christ - I know my God and my Creator - and that brings me much joy and hope. I know that everything has a purpose and this season of tears is meant to test and purify my faith (1 Peter 1:3-9). What an awesome thing! I am never alone because of this God; I always have Someone to turn to. I have the Holy Spirit as a seal of God’s establishing me in Christ (2 Cor 1:21-22), which means the Truth is always being whispered into my heart. Indeed, the Truth lives and reigns inside me!

Really I think that’s the only difference between then and now. It was Christ who placed in me the desire to seek fellowship, to seek a church and belong to a ministry.

Please don’t think I’ve got this “figured out”. Right now I feel fine so it’s easy to talk and write about hope and joy and all that; it’s easy to sound as though everything’s going to be all right. It won’t always be this easy. There will be moments of pure darkness when I can’t understand the light and I want to inflict the same pain I think others are trying to inflict on me, times when the Holy Spirit is a mere whisper and Satan is raging and blocking everything else out. But still the Holy Spirit will be whispering and the battle has already been won and I will learn to step out of the darkness and abide in the Light. And through this process, I pray that Jesus Christ is glorified, because that’s all that really matters.

Well, I hope this is suitably dramatic for you. I’m a little embarrassed to post it but I’m going to do it anyway. Please be praying for me!

Praise and Prayer

I want to start my prayer page by praising God. October 30th marks my 5th Christian birthday. I have the memory of that dreary autumn day firmly lodged in my head, and I also have a journal entry to mark that day forever as the day I found Life. I had been struggling with depression for many months and had finally reached the end of my rope. Just a few weeks previously I had told a friend that I didn’t know how much longer I could take it. She had replied, “Jesus can help you with that.”

I had grown up in a Christian family but had never really taken God seriously. Being a Christian was just the cool thing to do until I grew up and realized how much it restricted me (or at least that’s how I saw it then). I told God that if He wanted me, He’d have to come down and speak right to my face. God didn’t answer my request the way I demanded Him to and so I rebelled, turned my back on Him, and, in time, came to mock Christians and even the idea of there being a God.

I hadn’t liked my friend’s answer but it took root and grew until this day a few weeks later, when I sat on my bed and recorded my first prayer: “God, I don’t want to fake it this time. If I’m going to do this, I really want to know You. Let’s do this for real this time.”

God wouldn’t answer the prayer of my youth because it was made in pride and arrogance. I know now that He had to wait for me to be completely broken so I could understand how much I need Him. When I finally prayed out of this understanding, God showed up and changed my life. The tears of despair became tears of joy. I could smile again and my laughter lost its malicious edge. I began to hope and look forward to the days ahead. I saw His fingerprints everywhere I looked and began to experience the God I had put my faith in, leading me to deeper and deeper faith.

There’s a new (as of this summer) song playing on Christian radio that reminds me of that first year after I came to know the Lord. When I hear it, the memories flood my mind and I feel joy fit to burst and sometimes find myself crying. I want to share that song with you. Here’s a link to a slideshow on you tube: Born Again by Third Day

I ask that you praise the Lord with me as I celebrate 5 years as His child. Also, please pray that I continue to learn what it means to be His child, the love lavished on me, the faithful promises He has made. I hope someday to have so much confidence in who He says I am that I can finally throw all fears to the wind and simply serve Him.

Please pray also for my financial support; I need to raise about $300 in monthly commitments to be at full support. If you feel led to join my financial team or to increase the amount you are already giving, you can click on this link: support page

Finally, praise God that I am on staff with YD Adventures year-round now and pray that I learn how to do my job well and that I have wisdom in what responsibilities to take on here in the office.

Thank you for your prayers and your support! I appreciate that God has placed each of you in my life. It’s an incredible journey and I’m glad the Lord has not asked me to walk it alone.

Prayer Request

Hey friends!

I am on a trip starting Fri morning until Sun afternoon. The group is local to the Canby area. Please be praying for the group and the YD staff. Here are my specific prayer requests:

1. That students are challenged to live their faith/take their faith deeper.
2. Discernment for staff to see where God has been working in these students' lives.
3. Ability for staff to join God in this work.
4. That the Lord continues the good work He began during (and probably long before) the missions trip these kids were on earlier this summer.
5. That the Lord would reveal Himself in awesome and wonderful ways.

Thank you! I appreciate your willingness to pray!

From My Journal

“Oh Lord, You have searched me and known.” Psalm 139:1

During yesterday’s lectio divina I heard God speak through this verse about the intimacy He and I have with one another. Through this verse today He spoke to me of the Holy Spirit; I was reaching inside myself to hear Him and I thought, “Why would I do that? Where is God?” I remembered the Holy Spirit and then Romans 8:26-27 came to mind.

Lord, I am kneeling here wondering how I could give You my life then snatch it back; how could I give You my life then build walls so You can’t have it? When I try to do this lectio, when I try to be quiet before You, I sense those walls. And even though I built them, I am powerless to knock them down. I can do nothing; You must do it.

So I give You my walls.

Be Still and Wait... Some More

I hate that I am so limited in my understanding that often, when God is doing something in my life, I totally take it the wrong way. He’s certainly teaching me wisdom but, man, I’m used to catching on a lot faster than this! And it’s not that I’m stupid but more likely that the lessons He’s teaching me are hard ones that will need to be learned over and over throughout my life and to greater depths at each learning.

Lately God has been revealing to me sin after sin after sin. At each revelation I develop an elaborate plan to tackle this newly revealed sin and eradicate it from my life. The next day He reveals something new and I’m like, “Really? Ok, how do we deal with this one?” And then the next day it’s still something else and I start to feel overwhelmed because I’m trying to remember to pray on my knees, love everyone, never get snappy, feed the poor, clothe the naked, surrender my desire to be married, pray more, fast from everything I like (coffee, wine, chocolate, ice cream, eating out, bathing… j/k) and, seriously, who wouldn’t be overwhelmed? Meanwhile I’m supposed to be working on my support but - hello! - who has time? I have to fix all my sins! I have to get rid of all these other distractions.

And, really, that’s all they are - distractions. I can conceive a million plans to “fix all my sins” but is that what God’s really asking of me? Is that really why He’s showing me these things? Am I really being faithful if I’m constantly being distracted from what’s been set before me?

Fund raising to join the team at YD Adventures is what’s been set before me. If all these other things are just distractions, why is God showing them to me?

I don’t know. But I have learned a few things lately.

When I lost my job at Bella Café I looked at what I had left to raise to reach my goal and thought, “Pshaw, that’s nothing. If I put my nose to the grindstone, I’ll be done by February.” So I did just that. And have as yet to raise a single penny from my own efforts. “Get to work,” I tell myself. “Be faithful,” I remind myself. But I haven’t had a single appointment in over a month!

I am closer to my goal but it’s trickling in and everything that’s come in thus far has had nothing to do with me and everything to do with God alone. Do you know how frustrating this is?? I’m not trying to be a jerk, I just wish some of MY efforts were paying off. I feel like all I’m doing is wasting my time!

The final straw came Thurs night at Bible study. All evening I’d been hearing God say, “Be still and wait…” and was contemplating whether or not “be still” and “wait” are ever found in the same verse when a friend asked me how I was doing on support ministry. I began to vent and worked myself up until I said, “I want to call up our support coach and tell her ‘IT’S NOT WORKING!!!!’” The capitals indicate that I was screaming. I heard other people in the room say, “Whoa!” and a few friends came out of the kitchen to check and make sure everything was ok. “Crap,” I thought to myself, “that was immature. Way to go, Raychel.” My friend began to talk while I brooded in self-pity but then I suddenly realized my friend had just said…

“… What did you just say?” I asked.

“Put me down for 100 a month. The Lord’s really put you on my heart and I think I need to be supporting you.” I just sat there, completely dazed.

“Is this what I get for throwing a temper tantrum?” I silently asked God. But I knew that was wrong. I was not being rewarded for screaming. This was probably the most humbling “support raising meeting” in all of history. God was being faithful in the midst of my doubting. He is steadfast and good and I am a sick little human whose efforts are futile. Everything comes from God.

I went home, got on e-Sword and did a search for “be still and wait”. I had it on the ESV version and found myself staring at Psalm 37:7, “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him…” Then verse 8 goes on to say, “Refrain from anger and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.”

Here is a choice set before me. I can choose to “be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” or I can be all stressed out and take things into my own hands. The first choice is what God is asking of me. It’s difficult because I like tangible tasks producing tangible results and that’s not what support raising is yielding right now, but it’s what God is asking. The second choice is plain disobedience, which is the essence of sin. It will not yield the results I’m looking for and will probably cause me to harden my heart toward God.

I’m not stupid so I know which one I’ll choose.

My pastor spoke last week of “baby steps” toward the person we want to be or the things we want to get better at. What “baby steps” are required in being still and waiting? I think Psalm 37 provides that answer when it says, “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust Him, and He will act.” vs3-5

What better direction do I need?

I still don’t know why He keeps showing me all the areas in which I sin but I do know that developing elaborate plans to “fix all my sins” is just me taking things into my own hands, no matter how Godly the façade I try to hide it under. Just be still before the Lord, Raychel, and wait patiently for Him. Trust Him. Commit your way to Him. Set your eyes on Him and allow Him to be the center.

That’s it. I seriously don’t know anything else, only what He’s asked me to do. Funny, it’s the same lesson He was teaching me a year ago… Be still and wait…