Nickname

I think I wounded my dad today. Of course, I didn’t mean to; I was so caught up in myself I really wasn’t thinking of him at all. The only thing I did was ask him not to call me a nickname he sometimes uses on me. I hate this nickname because it’s the same nickname my last two boyfriends used on me - Baby. It’s like nails on chalkboard for me. The problem is, I’m not really sure if I asked him not to use to because it honestly bothers me or because the last time I told him I didn’t like it he told me to get over it. Is it more that my pride is upset or that I honestly detest that nickname?

He told me again today to get over it. Actually he said, “You need to let go.”

I responded, “I need you to stop calling me that.”

“No, you need to let go,” he repeated.

“I need you to stop calling me that.”

“Ok, but you also need to let go and heal from the past.”

“I’m dealing with that,” I told him and then he got up and left the room. Immediately I felt guilty of just making the gulf between us even wider and being stubborn just for pride’s sake.

On Sunday my pastor talked about Eph 6:1-4. For me this passage only brought up the same questions I asked myself in January. Am I being dishonorable to my parents by moving out? My brother lost his temper, picked me up, and threw me against a metal bed frame and then to the floor. I hurt the next and had bruises where people shouldn’t have bruises - on my lower back.
I remember, after the fight ended, my dad, holding me in his arms, as though to say, “Don’t worry, baby, you’re safe where your daddy is.” But he was there! The whole time! And I got hurt! And every night for years before that I locked my bedroom door when I slept because I worried that I was going to say the wrong thing and Asher was going to come in during the night and murder me! As he held me I just felt really awkward because I knew that it was going to take more than a hug to deal with this abuse.

It was the next day that I told my parents, either Asher moves out or I’m moving out, but I’m not living with someone whom I’m afraid might hurt me. I think my dad took that as, “I don’t trust you to keep me safe in your household,” because his response was a snarled, “Then move out.”

Did I do the right thing? One of the Ten Commandments is “Honor your father and your mother…” (Deut 5:16). Paul repeats this assertion in his letter to the Ephesians. Have I dishonored my parents when I moved out? For some reason my dad chose to take my decision very personal.

I know, I started out talking about a nickname. My relationship with my dad is just really awkward right now and I’m trying to take steps to change that (and I’m sure he is as well) and none of us are real good at sitting down and just dealing with the conflict.

Maybe that’s what needs to happen; a conversation about us, him and I. Oh, man, that’s going to take a lot more courage than I have!