I don't know why I am driven to share these things but, here it is, today's “devotional”. I read Psalm 33 this morning and the thoughts wouldn't stop. I'm hoping these thoughts were words of God, whispered into my mind through scripture, not just me on a high horse.
“Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness, to deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine.” Psalm 33:18-19
The word “famine” brought to mind the current economy. Our country is going through a hard time: the unemployment rate is climbing, the sense of fear and despair is growing, probably thoughts of suicide are intensifying. So many people's hope has been in this “leading nation”, their investments, other gods. Those hopes are proving to be futile vanity.
Do we fear God or do we fear the loss of material wealth?
“Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him, because we trust in His holy name.” vs 20-21
It struck me that David wrote “our soul” as though his soul was shared with others, “our heart” as though sharing the same heart. It's as if the hope they shared unified them, brought them together as one unit.
Like the Body of Christ.
And that is the way the Body of Christ is supposed to function (Romans 12:3-5, 1 Cor 12:12-13); we have one purpose, one goal. We share that purpose and it binds us together. Or should.
“Let Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us, according as we have hoped in Thee.” vs 22
I better hope big, then. I better put all my hope in the Lord.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Proverbs 17:4
“An evildoer listens to wicked lips, a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.” Proverbs 17:4
One thing I am constantly reminded of as I go through Proverbs every month is how human I am. Every day I read something about the wicked doing this or a fool is that way, and half the time I am reminded of myself. Yikes!
One example is:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
I am very bad at controlling my temper. I often say things I regret. I know this, yet the next time I get angry I will once again say something in such a way that will piss someone off or hurt their feelings. Why? Where is my self-control in these situations?
“The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3
Yeah, I have a big mouth. I’ve gotten myself in trouble many times for my big mouth.
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is one who listens to counsel.” Proverbs 12:15
How many times have a rejected what friends or others have said to me, without even really listening, because I so strongly felt that I was right? More often then I can count!
The first Proverb typed above is today’s reminder of my humanness. As I read it every month, it has called attention to one of the ways I react when I speak with friends. If a friend is sharing her woes with me, complaining about a coworker or another friend, I tend to talk big. “You shouldn’t put up with that type of treatment,” I say. Or, “I’d give that person a piece of my mind.”
The opposite is also true. If I am sharing my woes with a friend, she will usually also talk big. (The same “You shouldn’t put up with that; I’d give that person a piece of my mind” etc). And I listen to it!
Really? Am I Christian or do I subscribe to the juvenile idealism of “fairness“?
All we’re really doing is sewing strife into one another’s hearts (Proverbs 15:18). If this is true, how are we really supposed to react? What sort of counsel should we actually be striving to give and receive?
I guess that takes us to what Jesus said.
“But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven…” Matthew 5:44-45a.
Or what Paul, inspired by God, said:
“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Eph 4:1-3
Or what possibly another disciple (also inspired by God) said:
“…and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds…” Hebrews 10:24.
While Proverbs is pointing out my humanness, it is also giving me hope. Just yesterday I read, “He who gives attention to the word shall find good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.” Proverbs 16:20.
I fully believe that the Holy Spirit is working in me to convict me of my sins and inconsistencies so I can continue to grow in my relationship with the Lord. That’s a good thing. That makes me happy.
One thing I am constantly reminded of as I go through Proverbs every month is how human I am. Every day I read something about the wicked doing this or a fool is that way, and half the time I am reminded of myself. Yikes!
One example is:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
I am very bad at controlling my temper. I often say things I regret. I know this, yet the next time I get angry I will once again say something in such a way that will piss someone off or hurt their feelings. Why? Where is my self-control in these situations?
“The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3
Yeah, I have a big mouth. I’ve gotten myself in trouble many times for my big mouth.
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is one who listens to counsel.” Proverbs 12:15
How many times have a rejected what friends or others have said to me, without even really listening, because I so strongly felt that I was right? More often then I can count!
The first Proverb typed above is today’s reminder of my humanness. As I read it every month, it has called attention to one of the ways I react when I speak with friends. If a friend is sharing her woes with me, complaining about a coworker or another friend, I tend to talk big. “You shouldn’t put up with that type of treatment,” I say. Or, “I’d give that person a piece of my mind.”
The opposite is also true. If I am sharing my woes with a friend, she will usually also talk big. (The same “You shouldn’t put up with that; I’d give that person a piece of my mind” etc). And I listen to it!
Really? Am I Christian or do I subscribe to the juvenile idealism of “fairness“?
All we’re really doing is sewing strife into one another’s hearts (Proverbs 15:18). If this is true, how are we really supposed to react? What sort of counsel should we actually be striving to give and receive?
I guess that takes us to what Jesus said.
“But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven…” Matthew 5:44-45a.
Or what Paul, inspired by God, said:
“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Eph 4:1-3
Or what possibly another disciple (also inspired by God) said:
“…and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds…” Hebrews 10:24.
While Proverbs is pointing out my humanness, it is also giving me hope. Just yesterday I read, “He who gives attention to the word shall find good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.” Proverbs 16:20.
I fully believe that the Holy Spirit is working in me to convict me of my sins and inconsistencies so I can continue to grow in my relationship with the Lord. That’s a good thing. That makes me happy.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
musings of the sick-in-bed
I am in my element here, ensconced on my bed with my computer propped before me on the box it came in; I call that my desk. A steaming cup of jasmine tea sits to my left in a cute, autumn-leaved mug, and the view out my window shows beautiful, yellowed maples.
I have been sick in bed and reading all morning. Joy! In high school I used to wish I would get sick so I could spend the whole day at home, in bed, reading. These days I do not wish for sickness because I do not get to stay home when I’m sick; instead, I trudge wearily off to work. I am in the food business so that should be a scary thought.
“Would you like whip cream on your mocha?” cough, cough!
The book I have found most interesting thus far today has been In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon. My bet is you’ve never even heard of it, let alone read it. It reminds me of The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne although unlike Revolution, it is a novel.
It’s about part of the congregation of a church in a city called Raymond who pledge to do nothing for a year without first asking, “What would Jesus do?” This is not part of the fad that flashed through our society about 15 years ago, and I do not think this book is the reason that fad started. It is simply meant as an unpretentious awareness of who our Savior is and how He would behave were he, say, a business man, a rich young heiress, the editor of a prominent newspaper, etc. Each person is to act in accordance to what they believe Jesus would do in their personal situations without holding anyone else up to their personal standards so as to keep people from becoming judgmental. The pastor may be the only exception as it is his job to teach and exhort the way he believes Jesus would, meaning he must point out hypocrisy and preach against the local saloon.
I just looked up the word “saloon” to make sure I was not getting the meaning of that word wrong. This book was written in the late 1800s and some of the culture from then compares very differently from the present time. I think that a saloon of that time is where men congregated to drink and gamble.
I’m not very fond of gambling, though I admit I have gambled. As for drinking… I am frequently found with a glass of wine or a pint of beer in-hand. I never get drunk, but I do drink. I don’t see that as a sin so every time I read these parts of the book, I find myself cringing a little bit.
There is one young lady in this story who has “a fortune in her throat”, in other words, she can sing and is expected to make a career out of it. Within the first couple weeks of making the pledge, she denies the offers of two prestigious musical companies and announces to her mom that she’s going to sing for the White Cross meetings downtown. Because of her voice, people begin to flock to the meetings. Because of the message and the Holy Spirit, people begin to give their lives to Christ.
Books such as these make me think about my life and make me want to live in accordance to what I believe Jesus would do with my life. But I always feel like I’m on hold and have to wait until I have more time or money. Still, I have asked myself frequently over the past couple years, “What can I do now?”
One change that has taken place is my work ethic. I used to be a very inconsistent worker, both in what I accomplished and in my attitude. True, I cannot deny that I have different moods that are going to change the way I behave, but it does not have to be a critical difference. I decided that my moods were no longer going to effect how hard I worked or how I treated people at work, and I think I have done a fairly good job at this. I come to work to work now, not to make money. I am there to be a servant of the people I work for and with. I have become more consistent about asking, “Is there anything you wish I would do before I leave?” or “Is there anything I could be doing for you right now?” It’s the consistency that’s important; as my coworkers become accustomed to my asking this, they begin to realize that I mean it and that they really can ask me to do whatever it is that’s on their minds.
Another change I mentioned in a recent blog. I do my best to avoid being judgmental of the people around me. This one is especially difficult as the people around me are constantly complaining about this customer or that coworker. I admit, I have failed at this much more than I would like. But a huge change has recently transpired that I have noticed and wondered at. I love people!! I am amazed at how interested I am in every person who walks through the door at Bella Café.
This week a man came limping in, using his umbrella as a cane, wearing a very long, black raincoat and looking disheveled and nearly homeless. He piqued my curiosity immediately and, fortunately, was easy to get talking. He spoke of being forced into time off from work for disability because someone had hit him while he was crossing a street in the crosswalk. After a bit, he told me he’d just been over to a local restaurant and been treated like… poop. He spat the word like he was saying the more popular curse word. He was not treated like poop at Bella and even my coworker seemed to enjoy his visit.
We have customers who won’t talk to us, customers who won’t stop talking to us, customers who mispronounce their beverage, customers who never tip, and I find every one of them intriguing. And lovable! When did that happen?
But I want to do things outside of work as well. I want to learn to listen better. I want to learn to judge less. I want to serve more often at the Union Gospel Mission. I want to talk to more people on the streets (carefully, very carefully. But fearlessly!). I want to make wise decisions regarding men who are interested in me and who are not Christians.
Will you share with me, please, ways in which you have seen Christ molding you to the standard, “What would Jesus do?” I am so interested in knowing where God has been teaching and changing people.
And I would like to challenge you to read one, if not both, of these books, if you have not already. They’re worth it, I promise!
I forgot to finish my tea! Haha!
I have been sick in bed and reading all morning. Joy! In high school I used to wish I would get sick so I could spend the whole day at home, in bed, reading. These days I do not wish for sickness because I do not get to stay home when I’m sick; instead, I trudge wearily off to work. I am in the food business so that should be a scary thought.
“Would you like whip cream on your mocha?” cough, cough!
The book I have found most interesting thus far today has been In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon. My bet is you’ve never even heard of it, let alone read it. It reminds me of The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne although unlike Revolution, it is a novel.
It’s about part of the congregation of a church in a city called Raymond who pledge to do nothing for a year without first asking, “What would Jesus do?” This is not part of the fad that flashed through our society about 15 years ago, and I do not think this book is the reason that fad started. It is simply meant as an unpretentious awareness of who our Savior is and how He would behave were he, say, a business man, a rich young heiress, the editor of a prominent newspaper, etc. Each person is to act in accordance to what they believe Jesus would do in their personal situations without holding anyone else up to their personal standards so as to keep people from becoming judgmental. The pastor may be the only exception as it is his job to teach and exhort the way he believes Jesus would, meaning he must point out hypocrisy and preach against the local saloon.
I just looked up the word “saloon” to make sure I was not getting the meaning of that word wrong. This book was written in the late 1800s and some of the culture from then compares very differently from the present time. I think that a saloon of that time is where men congregated to drink and gamble.
I’m not very fond of gambling, though I admit I have gambled. As for drinking… I am frequently found with a glass of wine or a pint of beer in-hand. I never get drunk, but I do drink. I don’t see that as a sin so every time I read these parts of the book, I find myself cringing a little bit.
There is one young lady in this story who has “a fortune in her throat”, in other words, she can sing and is expected to make a career out of it. Within the first couple weeks of making the pledge, she denies the offers of two prestigious musical companies and announces to her mom that she’s going to sing for the White Cross meetings downtown. Because of her voice, people begin to flock to the meetings. Because of the message and the Holy Spirit, people begin to give their lives to Christ.
Books such as these make me think about my life and make me want to live in accordance to what I believe Jesus would do with my life. But I always feel like I’m on hold and have to wait until I have more time or money. Still, I have asked myself frequently over the past couple years, “What can I do now?”
One change that has taken place is my work ethic. I used to be a very inconsistent worker, both in what I accomplished and in my attitude. True, I cannot deny that I have different moods that are going to change the way I behave, but it does not have to be a critical difference. I decided that my moods were no longer going to effect how hard I worked or how I treated people at work, and I think I have done a fairly good job at this. I come to work to work now, not to make money. I am there to be a servant of the people I work for and with. I have become more consistent about asking, “Is there anything you wish I would do before I leave?” or “Is there anything I could be doing for you right now?” It’s the consistency that’s important; as my coworkers become accustomed to my asking this, they begin to realize that I mean it and that they really can ask me to do whatever it is that’s on their minds.
Another change I mentioned in a recent blog. I do my best to avoid being judgmental of the people around me. This one is especially difficult as the people around me are constantly complaining about this customer or that coworker. I admit, I have failed at this much more than I would like. But a huge change has recently transpired that I have noticed and wondered at. I love people!! I am amazed at how interested I am in every person who walks through the door at Bella Café.
This week a man came limping in, using his umbrella as a cane, wearing a very long, black raincoat and looking disheveled and nearly homeless. He piqued my curiosity immediately and, fortunately, was easy to get talking. He spoke of being forced into time off from work for disability because someone had hit him while he was crossing a street in the crosswalk. After a bit, he told me he’d just been over to a local restaurant and been treated like… poop. He spat the word like he was saying the more popular curse word. He was not treated like poop at Bella and even my coworker seemed to enjoy his visit.
We have customers who won’t talk to us, customers who won’t stop talking to us, customers who mispronounce their beverage, customers who never tip, and I find every one of them intriguing. And lovable! When did that happen?
But I want to do things outside of work as well. I want to learn to listen better. I want to learn to judge less. I want to serve more often at the Union Gospel Mission. I want to talk to more people on the streets (carefully, very carefully. But fearlessly!). I want to make wise decisions regarding men who are interested in me and who are not Christians.
Will you share with me, please, ways in which you have seen Christ molding you to the standard, “What would Jesus do?” I am so interested in knowing where God has been teaching and changing people.
And I would like to challenge you to read one, if not both, of these books, if you have not already. They’re worth it, I promise!
I forgot to finish my tea! Haha!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Proverbs 7:1-4
“My son, keep my words, and treasure my commandments within you. Keep my commandments and live, and my teaching as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister,’ and call understanding your intimate friend…” Proverbs 7:1-4
“Do not judge lest you be judged.” Matt 7:1
“You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:18
“And I shall delight in Thy commandments, which I love.” Psalm 119:47
One thing I have found that does not change between employees at Bella’s and those at Starbucks is the attitude toward customers; they all bitch about customers the same. It might be that the customer doesn’t talk loudly enough, wants whip cream on a nonfat mocha, or didn’t ask for ham on their sandwich and has an attitude when they receive a ham sandwich; it really doesn’t matter; the baristas always get pissy.
I’m trying so hard not to develop this same attitude. It’s hard! I have to bite back comments frequently.
Every time one forms in my mind I know my coworker will get a kick out of it but then I think about what might have made the customer behave that way and I realize that I am being judgmental and unloving.
Keep reminding me, Lord. Please help me not to fall into the trap of complaining about every customer’s little idiosyncrasies. Allow me the privilege of seeing things more from their perspective and just loving them because they’re my neighbors.
It’s not just to be like Jesus but because I love You and I love Your commandments. You’ve said these things for a reason; let Your words not fall on deaf ears.
“Do not judge lest you be judged.” Matt 7:1
“You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:18
“And I shall delight in Thy commandments, which I love.” Psalm 119:47
One thing I have found that does not change between employees at Bella’s and those at Starbucks is the attitude toward customers; they all bitch about customers the same. It might be that the customer doesn’t talk loudly enough, wants whip cream on a nonfat mocha, or didn’t ask for ham on their sandwich and has an attitude when they receive a ham sandwich; it really doesn’t matter; the baristas always get pissy.
I’m trying so hard not to develop this same attitude. It’s hard! I have to bite back comments frequently.
Every time one forms in my mind I know my coworker will get a kick out of it but then I think about what might have made the customer behave that way and I realize that I am being judgmental and unloving.
Keep reminding me, Lord. Please help me not to fall into the trap of complaining about every customer’s little idiosyncrasies. Allow me the privilege of seeing things more from their perspective and just loving them because they’re my neighbors.
It’s not just to be like Jesus but because I love You and I love Your commandments. You’ve said these things for a reason; let Your words not fall on deaf ears.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Deep Calls to Deep
I think I am very blessed because occasionally, as I stumble down the road of life, I remember to follow my heart. It’s becoming more frequent but for now I can only be glad for the rare times that it happens.
This summer I decided to begin reading through Proverbs, one chapter every day, each chapter corresponding to the day of the month. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I thought I’d try, at least. I have found this book to be a pleasure to read. It’s delightful to read something out of Proverbs and be reminded of something Jesus said; it’s exciting to find that I am that familiar with the Bible.
On Sunday I read:
“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” Proverbs 20:5
First I was reminded of Psalm 42:7;
“Deep calls to deep in the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me.”
Then I thought, is this man of understanding supposed to be Jesus?
So I checked to see if that verse referenced any other verses and found that it did:
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16
I suddenly felt the desire to be alone with these verses somewhere where I could hear the crash of water, the roar of the deep. The desire was nearly overwhelming and I knew I would have to find the chance to escape as soon as possible. I called Cora Monday afternoon to get a few ideas and Tuesday I embarked on a mini adventure at Silver Falls State Park.
I left the Emersons’ just past 7:00, just as the sun lifted her warm, brazen face over the mountains and began to fight off the cold and the clouds. It was a beautiful morning but too early to know who the victor would be, sun or clouds, and I found myself wondering whether I’d brought enough clothes. The drive took longer than I expected but I love the country so I leaned into the curves of the road with zeal and wound my way to the park.
I reached the trail head and gazed along the path. I’d been to Silver Falls State Park only once, about three years ago, so today I would be exploring. I spent some time feeling indecisive; where should I start? Where should I go? I first tried Upper North Falls but, once I got there, decided that was not where I was meant to be. I finally decided on North Falls and took off along the Canyon Trail.
It was short but sweet. The path followed alongside the creek. I walked along, staring at the forest, until I came upon a set of stairs. I walked down the stairs, wondering when I would cross the creek and how close the waterfall was, then realized that the creek was plunging downward right beside me. The stairs ended and the path curved abruptly back on itself. The trail seemed to be carved out of rock that jutted out over the path. If I was taller, I would have to stoop. The trees blocking my view of the waterfall thinned and I saw that all the water shot out of a small fissure of rock and tumbled 136 feet to a dark pool below. Looking up, it seemed as if the forest ended abruptly. How can the forest sit on that slab of rock? I wondered, for just below the forest a rock cliff protruded, like a child’s pouty lower lip, and rolled back in to create a cavern-like indentation. The path was etched through the back of the cavern, behind the waterfall.
I was delighted. Ideally, I had wanted to sit behind a waterfall, but short of a 5 mile hike along Eagle Creek in the Gorge, I had no idea where to find a waterfall I could sit behind. God had provided. There were even little benches set up inside the cavern.
I “set up camp” on one bench, pulling out my journal, Bible, and pens. I opened my journal and wrote:
“Deep calls to deep in the sound of Thy waterfalls; all Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me.”
Pushing me down, pushing, pushing, encouraging me toward the depths of my own heart.
Who are you? What are you doing here?
Pushing. Deeper.
I must search the deep.
I thought of the time I got stuck in a riptide at Rockaway Beach. The surf had pounded against me, pushing me down. But I had a pfd on and I could only go down so far before I popped back up.
Then I thought of the time I listened to a speaker from Imago Dei tell of an experience he had while surfing. A wave had crashed over him and pulled him down, down, down. Somewhere down there, under the ocean, time stopped for the intrepid surfer and he experienced God; the deep pounded around him like a heartbeat of enormous proportions. He did not fear; God is love.
All Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me, pushing me down.
I don’t want a life jacket for this; I don’t want to hover at the surface.
My voice sounded small next to the roar of the waterfall. I was attempting lectio divina, “sacred reading”. It was sacred; God was there. I invited Him to be a part of what I was doing and then I corrected myself:
No, I’m asking that I can share this with You; that You’ll let me be a part of what You’re doing.
Deep calls to deep… it’s the searching of the Holy Spirit within my own soul. “Do you trust Me?” He asks. Mostly I do, Lord. In my mind, certainly. In my heart? Mostly.
“He reached down and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16
I was here reminded of the lyrics of my current theme song:
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
And though it’s hard to surrender
To what I can’t see
I’m giving in to something heavenly
Except I’m lacking the peace part I wrote.
I began to think of how, in training, we learned that if ever we got stuck swimming in a low head dam, we would need to allow the current to sweep us to the bottom of the river, then crawl along the bottom until we were free of the swirling current. That is the only way out. Horror story! I think it would be natural for any human (who wasn’t in counter panic) to try and fight their way out. I would probably swim my hardest to try and get out - and get wrapped up in all the debris also stuck in the churning waters.
I am stuck in chaotic, churning waters. I’m struggling, constantly struggling, trying to find the surface. In my attempts I am merely entangling myself worse than before, creating more sin and attempting to avoid facing the consequences thereof.
This song by Sanctus Real uses the word “surrender”. Have I done that? I’m experiencing the chaos but not so much the peace. If I surrender, I am assured that He will reach down from on high and take hold of me and draw me out of deep waters. Why? Because He delights in me (Psalm 18:19b). So simple.
Deep calls to deep. The Holy Spirit is present. Surrender to Jesus, to God, and let Him draw me out. Me! The King of heaven and earth asks me to surrender so He can draw the Raychel He created out of deep waters and allow her to stand, free of sin, and live a life worthy of the calling of Jesus.
“I love You, oh Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies…
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.”
Psalm 18:1-3, 16-19
This summer I decided to begin reading through Proverbs, one chapter every day, each chapter corresponding to the day of the month. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I thought I’d try, at least. I have found this book to be a pleasure to read. It’s delightful to read something out of Proverbs and be reminded of something Jesus said; it’s exciting to find that I am that familiar with the Bible.
On Sunday I read:
“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” Proverbs 20:5
First I was reminded of Psalm 42:7;
“Deep calls to deep in the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me.”
Then I thought, is this man of understanding supposed to be Jesus?
So I checked to see if that verse referenced any other verses and found that it did:
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16
I suddenly felt the desire to be alone with these verses somewhere where I could hear the crash of water, the roar of the deep. The desire was nearly overwhelming and I knew I would have to find the chance to escape as soon as possible. I called Cora Monday afternoon to get a few ideas and Tuesday I embarked on a mini adventure at Silver Falls State Park.
I left the Emersons’ just past 7:00, just as the sun lifted her warm, brazen face over the mountains and began to fight off the cold and the clouds. It was a beautiful morning but too early to know who the victor would be, sun or clouds, and I found myself wondering whether I’d brought enough clothes. The drive took longer than I expected but I love the country so I leaned into the curves of the road with zeal and wound my way to the park.
I reached the trail head and gazed along the path. I’d been to Silver Falls State Park only once, about three years ago, so today I would be exploring. I spent some time feeling indecisive; where should I start? Where should I go? I first tried Upper North Falls but, once I got there, decided that was not where I was meant to be. I finally decided on North Falls and took off along the Canyon Trail.
It was short but sweet. The path followed alongside the creek. I walked along, staring at the forest, until I came upon a set of stairs. I walked down the stairs, wondering when I would cross the creek and how close the waterfall was, then realized that the creek was plunging downward right beside me. The stairs ended and the path curved abruptly back on itself. The trail seemed to be carved out of rock that jutted out over the path. If I was taller, I would have to stoop. The trees blocking my view of the waterfall thinned and I saw that all the water shot out of a small fissure of rock and tumbled 136 feet to a dark pool below. Looking up, it seemed as if the forest ended abruptly. How can the forest sit on that slab of rock? I wondered, for just below the forest a rock cliff protruded, like a child’s pouty lower lip, and rolled back in to create a cavern-like indentation. The path was etched through the back of the cavern, behind the waterfall.
I was delighted. Ideally, I had wanted to sit behind a waterfall, but short of a 5 mile hike along Eagle Creek in the Gorge, I had no idea where to find a waterfall I could sit behind. God had provided. There were even little benches set up inside the cavern.
I “set up camp” on one bench, pulling out my journal, Bible, and pens. I opened my journal and wrote:
“Deep calls to deep in the sound of Thy waterfalls; all Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me.”
Pushing me down, pushing, pushing, encouraging me toward the depths of my own heart.
Who are you? What are you doing here?
Pushing. Deeper.
I must search the deep.
I thought of the time I got stuck in a riptide at Rockaway Beach. The surf had pounded against me, pushing me down. But I had a pfd on and I could only go down so far before I popped back up.
Then I thought of the time I listened to a speaker from Imago Dei tell of an experience he had while surfing. A wave had crashed over him and pulled him down, down, down. Somewhere down there, under the ocean, time stopped for the intrepid surfer and he experienced God; the deep pounded around him like a heartbeat of enormous proportions. He did not fear; God is love.
All Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me, pushing me down.
I don’t want a life jacket for this; I don’t want to hover at the surface.
My voice sounded small next to the roar of the waterfall. I was attempting lectio divina, “sacred reading”. It was sacred; God was there. I invited Him to be a part of what I was doing and then I corrected myself:
No, I’m asking that I can share this with You; that You’ll let me be a part of what You’re doing.
Deep calls to deep… it’s the searching of the Holy Spirit within my own soul. “Do you trust Me?” He asks. Mostly I do, Lord. In my mind, certainly. In my heart? Mostly.
“He reached down and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16
I was here reminded of the lyrics of my current theme song:
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
And though it’s hard to surrender
To what I can’t see
I’m giving in to something heavenly
Except I’m lacking the peace part I wrote.
I began to think of how, in training, we learned that if ever we got stuck swimming in a low head dam, we would need to allow the current to sweep us to the bottom of the river, then crawl along the bottom until we were free of the swirling current. That is the only way out. Horror story! I think it would be natural for any human (who wasn’t in counter panic) to try and fight their way out. I would probably swim my hardest to try and get out - and get wrapped up in all the debris also stuck in the churning waters.
I am stuck in chaotic, churning waters. I’m struggling, constantly struggling, trying to find the surface. In my attempts I am merely entangling myself worse than before, creating more sin and attempting to avoid facing the consequences thereof.
This song by Sanctus Real uses the word “surrender”. Have I done that? I’m experiencing the chaos but not so much the peace. If I surrender, I am assured that He will reach down from on high and take hold of me and draw me out of deep waters. Why? Because He delights in me (Psalm 18:19b). So simple.
Deep calls to deep. The Holy Spirit is present. Surrender to Jesus, to God, and let Him draw me out. Me! The King of heaven and earth asks me to surrender so He can draw the Raychel He created out of deep waters and allow her to stand, free of sin, and live a life worthy of the calling of Jesus.
“I love You, oh Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies…
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.”
Psalm 18:1-3, 16-19
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Personality Profile
The other day my director, Curt, handed me a small stack of papers and said, “Would you take these personality tests and get them back to me as soon as you can?”
My reaction was funny, but typical (for me). Inside I couldn’t wait to get those tests alone and figure myself out. Outwardly I balked, claiming that if I took the test Curt would merely “box” me and never allow me to be “just me” again.
“No,” he explained, “these are just to help me figure out how you’re going to fit into the team.”
“Exactly!” I declared, “You’re going to let this personality test tell you how to treat me. I’m not sure this is a good idea at all.”
I then scampered immediately to my desk and started taking the test. This test has 40 rows, each row made up of four words that begin with the same letter. I was to mark the word that described me the best. The words didn’t necessarily have to relate to each other in any way such as this row: planner, patient, positive, promoter. Or this row: daring, delightful, diplomatic, detailed (I picked “delightful”, of course).
I remember one row of “s” words: sure, spontaneous, scheduled, shy. I checked “sure” and then sat there for 10 minutes trying to figure out if that was right. I finally laughed, erased the check next to “sure”, and checked a different word.
Another row went: adventurous, adaptable, animated, analytical. I took this to Cora and said, “I don’t think I’m any of these! We all know I’m not really adventurous, it’s something I’ve been working on. I’m not a big fan of change so I wouldn’t say I’m adaptable. I can be animated but it really just depends on my mood. Maybe that’s the closest -”
“Raychel, didn’t you say one was “analytical”? Check that one.”
It took me a few hours, asking a couple friends’ opinions, and much laughter before I finally finished the test (Cora said Curt gave her that test months ago and she just keeps forgetting to do it so I guess a few hours isn’t too bad). I tallied up the points and discovered…
I have multiple personalities.
It’s true; I scored “13” for two personality types and “12” for a third. No wonder I have issues!
My 13s were “sanguine” and “philegmatic”; my 12 was “melancholy”. I received a “2” for choleric; I could have told you before taking the test that I wasn’t choleric.
When I discovered my multiple personalities, I brought the test back to Curt. “Ha! I win! You can’t box me; I’m everything.” I felt a little smug.
Curt took the test from me and looked it over. “This is good,” he said. “This means you have all of these attributes. Of course, there’s a lot of tension between the “sanguines” and the “melancholies” so I’ll bet you have a lot of conflict going on inside you. And if you’re also “philegmatic” that tension’s probably never being resolved.
He made me feel like a bomb about to explode.
But, whatever, part of me continues to worry that I did something wrong and wonder if I should retake the test. Another part of me is glad that my inability to figure myself out has finally been explained. I have a few friends who think they’ve figured me out. They just don’t understand that I’m incomprehensible. If you ever decide that you have someone figured out, please keep in mind that you are seeing them through the filter of yourself, not objectively as you would like to think. If you have someone “figured out” you probably don’t know them at all.
I’m a moody person; I don’t know why, I just am. The same comment made by two different people, or the same person at different times, will effect me differently. My reaction depends on where I’m standing, what I’m wearing, how I feel about that, how I feel in general, where the other person’s standing, their body language, the last thing they said to me, how well I know them, how I know them, how tired I am, what time of the month it is, the list is inexhaustible.
There’s really no reason for me to write all this out except that I love to write my thoughts out. Except, as I type that I realize that there is some point to this. In my search to figure myself out I have discovered much of who I want to be. I want the ability to laugh at my faults, because I know that I am human and with that comes imperfection. But in order to be able to laugh at my faults, I must gain humility and accept my faults as part of who I am.
I have faults, and it’s easy to admit that, but when anyone gets into the specifics of what those faults are, I’m more than likely to get snappy. Yet I want to be the type of person who can admit those faults, and laugh them off. Not carelessly, as though they don’t matter, but humorously, able to see the fallibility of my own self.
I have had much time to think through some of this stuff and have just deleted quite a few hurtful sentences about one friend in particular. I had taken out her name but, if she had read this, she would have known right away that it was she I wrote of, and I think I would have badly hurt her feelings.
I have always considered myself “inconsistent” but recently I came to the conclusion that that’s not the problem. I am consistent; when I am tired I get snappy and sensitive; when I am not tired I am pleased to joke around.
A few mornings ago at YD, we were given the opportunity to share what we did over Labor Day weekend. I got snappy trying to describe a tree that I had fallen in love with at the Rose Gardens; one friend began making fun of me and then another said, “If this is how it’s going to go, this is going to take a long time.” I already didn’t want to be there. I am not necessarily physically tired but I am emotionally drained and, that morning, those stupid comments pushed me over the edge.
“You guys are pissing me off. Sorry, I’m really tired, but you are.” I then shut down and didn’t say another word but thought many sarcastic and cutting things as everybody else shared.
Throughout the next couple days I proceeded to feel ugly, angry, resentful, morbid. I hurt and wanted to blame someone for the pain. I felt ugly and I wanted to hide that from other people. I was unlovable and it made me hate everyone.
Yes, I heard It, though I barely listened to It the first time. Fortunately, the message was repeated the next day through Harmony who pulled me aside and said, “Raychel, you are loved. Even when you feel like this and you think you are unlovable, you are loved.”
I hadn’t said anything to anybody.
This is supposed to be about my personality and instead it’s becoming spiritual. But, really, how can we take the spiritual out of real life? It’s there, whether we recognize it or not; and I have no idea how much the spiritual has to do with my personality. What I do know is that I need the Holy Spirit to teach me how to deal with the person I am. I have been thinking a lot about the ticking bomb words Curt spoke to me and I realize that there really is a lot of conflict inside of me, and I have no idea how to deal with it. But I’m going to have to figure that out before I explode.
It’s happened before; I have snapped, cracked into a million pieces. I seriously thought about how freeing it would be just to die and not have to cry, to feel the pain, anymore. I don’t want to go through that again. Thankfully, this time I know I belong to a God who also wants to see me heal and become whole. I think a lot of what I’m battling right now is Him opening up my soul and cleaning out all the crumb and filth. I wish we could do it painlessly but God doesn’t work like that because we humans don’t grow like that.
Jesus felt the weight of all the world’s sins on His sinless shoulders. Perhaps God is just giving me a small taste of what He went through so I can learn how much that sacrifice meant.
Meanwhile, I have to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way before I explode. And I have to learn that I am loved, even when I feel unlovable.
I actually feel a strong urge to run away right now, and I think it’s a healthy urge. I have been busy, busy, busy, doing, doing, doing, for a long, long time and I need a break. I need some time to seek God in silence and solitude. I need the opportunity to listen, without dogs barking or time constraints. The only problem is, I can’t follow through with this urge.
Tick, tick, tick…
My reaction was funny, but typical (for me). Inside I couldn’t wait to get those tests alone and figure myself out. Outwardly I balked, claiming that if I took the test Curt would merely “box” me and never allow me to be “just me” again.
“No,” he explained, “these are just to help me figure out how you’re going to fit into the team.”
“Exactly!” I declared, “You’re going to let this personality test tell you how to treat me. I’m not sure this is a good idea at all.”
I then scampered immediately to my desk and started taking the test. This test has 40 rows, each row made up of four words that begin with the same letter. I was to mark the word that described me the best. The words didn’t necessarily have to relate to each other in any way such as this row: planner, patient, positive, promoter. Or this row: daring, delightful, diplomatic, detailed (I picked “delightful”, of course).
I remember one row of “s” words: sure, spontaneous, scheduled, shy. I checked “sure” and then sat there for 10 minutes trying to figure out if that was right. I finally laughed, erased the check next to “sure”, and checked a different word.
Another row went: adventurous, adaptable, animated, analytical. I took this to Cora and said, “I don’t think I’m any of these! We all know I’m not really adventurous, it’s something I’ve been working on. I’m not a big fan of change so I wouldn’t say I’m adaptable. I can be animated but it really just depends on my mood. Maybe that’s the closest -”
“Raychel, didn’t you say one was “analytical”? Check that one.”
It took me a few hours, asking a couple friends’ opinions, and much laughter before I finally finished the test (Cora said Curt gave her that test months ago and she just keeps forgetting to do it so I guess a few hours isn’t too bad). I tallied up the points and discovered…
I have multiple personalities.
It’s true; I scored “13” for two personality types and “12” for a third. No wonder I have issues!
My 13s were “sanguine” and “philegmatic”; my 12 was “melancholy”. I received a “2” for choleric; I could have told you before taking the test that I wasn’t choleric.
When I discovered my multiple personalities, I brought the test back to Curt. “Ha! I win! You can’t box me; I’m everything.” I felt a little smug.
Curt took the test from me and looked it over. “This is good,” he said. “This means you have all of these attributes. Of course, there’s a lot of tension between the “sanguines” and the “melancholies” so I’ll bet you have a lot of conflict going on inside you. And if you’re also “philegmatic” that tension’s probably never being resolved.
He made me feel like a bomb about to explode.
But, whatever, part of me continues to worry that I did something wrong and wonder if I should retake the test. Another part of me is glad that my inability to figure myself out has finally been explained. I have a few friends who think they’ve figured me out. They just don’t understand that I’m incomprehensible. If you ever decide that you have someone figured out, please keep in mind that you are seeing them through the filter of yourself, not objectively as you would like to think. If you have someone “figured out” you probably don’t know them at all.
I’m a moody person; I don’t know why, I just am. The same comment made by two different people, or the same person at different times, will effect me differently. My reaction depends on where I’m standing, what I’m wearing, how I feel about that, how I feel in general, where the other person’s standing, their body language, the last thing they said to me, how well I know them, how I know them, how tired I am, what time of the month it is, the list is inexhaustible.
There’s really no reason for me to write all this out except that I love to write my thoughts out. Except, as I type that I realize that there is some point to this. In my search to figure myself out I have discovered much of who I want to be. I want the ability to laugh at my faults, because I know that I am human and with that comes imperfection. But in order to be able to laugh at my faults, I must gain humility and accept my faults as part of who I am.
I have faults, and it’s easy to admit that, but when anyone gets into the specifics of what those faults are, I’m more than likely to get snappy. Yet I want to be the type of person who can admit those faults, and laugh them off. Not carelessly, as though they don’t matter, but humorously, able to see the fallibility of my own self.
I have had much time to think through some of this stuff and have just deleted quite a few hurtful sentences about one friend in particular. I had taken out her name but, if she had read this, she would have known right away that it was she I wrote of, and I think I would have badly hurt her feelings.
I have always considered myself “inconsistent” but recently I came to the conclusion that that’s not the problem. I am consistent; when I am tired I get snappy and sensitive; when I am not tired I am pleased to joke around.
A few mornings ago at YD, we were given the opportunity to share what we did over Labor Day weekend. I got snappy trying to describe a tree that I had fallen in love with at the Rose Gardens; one friend began making fun of me and then another said, “If this is how it’s going to go, this is going to take a long time.” I already didn’t want to be there. I am not necessarily physically tired but I am emotionally drained and, that morning, those stupid comments pushed me over the edge.
“You guys are pissing me off. Sorry, I’m really tired, but you are.” I then shut down and didn’t say another word but thought many sarcastic and cutting things as everybody else shared.
Throughout the next couple days I proceeded to feel ugly, angry, resentful, morbid. I hurt and wanted to blame someone for the pain. I felt ugly and I wanted to hide that from other people. I was unlovable and it made me hate everyone.
Yes, I heard It, though I barely listened to It the first time. Fortunately, the message was repeated the next day through Harmony who pulled me aside and said, “Raychel, you are loved. Even when you feel like this and you think you are unlovable, you are loved.”
I hadn’t said anything to anybody.
This is supposed to be about my personality and instead it’s becoming spiritual. But, really, how can we take the spiritual out of real life? It’s there, whether we recognize it or not; and I have no idea how much the spiritual has to do with my personality. What I do know is that I need the Holy Spirit to teach me how to deal with the person I am. I have been thinking a lot about the ticking bomb words Curt spoke to me and I realize that there really is a lot of conflict inside of me, and I have no idea how to deal with it. But I’m going to have to figure that out before I explode.
It’s happened before; I have snapped, cracked into a million pieces. I seriously thought about how freeing it would be just to die and not have to cry, to feel the pain, anymore. I don’t want to go through that again. Thankfully, this time I know I belong to a God who also wants to see me heal and become whole. I think a lot of what I’m battling right now is Him opening up my soul and cleaning out all the crumb and filth. I wish we could do it painlessly but God doesn’t work like that because we humans don’t grow like that.
Jesus felt the weight of all the world’s sins on His sinless shoulders. Perhaps God is just giving me a small taste of what He went through so I can learn how much that sacrifice meant.
Meanwhile, I have to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way before I explode. And I have to learn that I am loved, even when I feel unlovable.
I actually feel a strong urge to run away right now, and I think it’s a healthy urge. I have been busy, busy, busy, doing, doing, doing, for a long, long time and I need a break. I need some time to seek God in silence and solitude. I need the opportunity to listen, without dogs barking or time constraints. The only problem is, I can’t follow through with this urge.
Tick, tick, tick…
Friday, August 22, 2008
Newsletter the Fifth: God answers our prayers
In January our director, Curt, introduced a book to staff entitled “The Prayer Life” by Andrew Murray. It’s a really good book, I would suggest it to anyone; it spurred a great deal of change in the way we view prayer for our ministry, which has created some wonderful and fruitful ideas at YD Adventures, OR.
For one thing, we have a prayer room now. We divided the day into hour-long slots and staff sign up for one slot each at the beginning of the day. There we go to talk to God about our trips. We ask Him to be our focal point; we put the trips in His hands; we ask that students hearts would be ready, that our words would be His, that teens would see Jesus in us and come to understand His love for them.
I have noticed a more apparent emphasis on prayer before and during trips. Our trip leaders have made it clear that we can’t do anything unless that’s what God’s doing and that we must ask for His help.
This summer has been incredible! The desires of my heart are no longer just thoughts lodged in there waiting for God knows what; they are realities lived out by my friends and me here at YD Adventures. We pray that students see Jesus in us - and they do! We pray for the right words to speak - and then speak them! We pray for teens’ hearts to be ripe - and they ask Jesus to be their Lord and Savior! But it’s not us; it’s Christ in us, and it’s so exciting!
I spent the off-season and all of training praying that this summer would be the one that I would really step up and let Christ use me. I want to bow my head and weep in humble adoration as all the memories of this summer wash over me and I realize that I stepped up, and God used me. I was driving a friend home from base the other day and I said, “I think, of our three summers, this one has been the best.” He agreed and I continued, “I think it’s because we invited God and He showed up.” He agreed again.
You want stories? I’ve got stories.
I trip led one particular youth group for the second year in a row this summer. I love that because I am familiar with the students and their struggles. I think it was a surprise to one girl to discover that I remembered that one of her greatest fears is heights; last summer she climbed a little but never rappelled (in fact, as I was explaining how to rappel, she sat there and bawled her eyes out in fear, without even being near the cliff!). Remembering this before the trip, my staff and I prayed that she would be able to conquer this fear. This year she faced and conquered her fear of heights by rappelling down that cliff! It was a huge break-through for her and built up her confidence quite a bit. On her evaluation card she wrote that the rock climbing was a big part of the spiritual growth she experienced on the trip.
On another trip I remember that we specifically prayed that the students would see Jesus in us and experience God’s love through us and be drawn to that. I led devotions on the first morning and asked them to read Romans 8, esp verses 35-39. I told them that nothing, not the things other people did nor the things we did, could separate us from the love of God. I asked them, as they read, to pray that God would reveal to them the things they believed separated them from His love and that He would show them how far from the truth that is.
That theme just kept presenting itself throughout the trip. We talked about listening for God’s voice, stepping out in faith, abiding in Christ, all because God is Sovereign and loving and knows what’s best for us. We began to get comments from the leaders, “The students have been commenting about how real you guys are. It’s really cool.” I remember specifically coming away from one discussion that I led and a leader came to me and said, “That was exactly what these guys needed to hear. Thank you.”
On the last night we took the group for a walk and Christina (coworker, we just call her C) presented the gospel in the darkness of night. The stars were out, the night was cool, we could here coyotes and owls, and a shooting star streaked the night sky. C began in Genesis, talking about Creation and the fall of man, the love of God and how that led Him to give us a way out, all so we could be reconciled and back in relationship with Him. We then sent them back alone in the night (we call it a solo walk) and asked them to find one of their leaders and talk to them about how the story of their life fits into the story of the Bible, and any decision God asked them to make about living that out.
The next morning we heard unanimously from all the leaders that students had responded positively. One girl in particular said her parents sent her on all the retreats and camps they could and she was always the “bad girl” because she didn’t want to be there. She said she had recently challenged God to show her His love and now, through the conversations and activities and the love the YD staff exhibited, she felt He had answered her prayers and that she really, really wanted to move forward in relationship with Him.
On my last trip we did an activity called “Voices of the World” and talked about being the beloved and learning to tune out all the other voices that tell us what to do and how to do it and what we should be but can’t and just listen to the voice that says, “I love you. You are My beloved.” The next day on my boat I asked the students what God had been teaching them on the trip and one girl said, “He’s teaching me that I can hear His voice, if I am listening for it, and that the ways in which He speaks are infinite; He speaks through the Bible, nature, other people, and so many other ways.”
There’s more; this has been a wealthy summer in terms of students giving their lives to Christ for the first time or recommitting. Also, I have never seen so many personal issues be brought up before; on more than one trip students have admitted that they were thinking about suicide or that their parents were physically abusing them. This is big stuff!
This summer has been bathed in prayer and God has been incredibly faithful and loving throughout. I love to see Him at work!
Please continue to pray; I leave today for another trip and am pretty close to completely worn out. Still, I’m excited to see what God does!
For one thing, we have a prayer room now. We divided the day into hour-long slots and staff sign up for one slot each at the beginning of the day. There we go to talk to God about our trips. We ask Him to be our focal point; we put the trips in His hands; we ask that students hearts would be ready, that our words would be His, that teens would see Jesus in us and come to understand His love for them.
I have noticed a more apparent emphasis on prayer before and during trips. Our trip leaders have made it clear that we can’t do anything unless that’s what God’s doing and that we must ask for His help.
This summer has been incredible! The desires of my heart are no longer just thoughts lodged in there waiting for God knows what; they are realities lived out by my friends and me here at YD Adventures. We pray that students see Jesus in us - and they do! We pray for the right words to speak - and then speak them! We pray for teens’ hearts to be ripe - and they ask Jesus to be their Lord and Savior! But it’s not us; it’s Christ in us, and it’s so exciting!
I spent the off-season and all of training praying that this summer would be the one that I would really step up and let Christ use me. I want to bow my head and weep in humble adoration as all the memories of this summer wash over me and I realize that I stepped up, and God used me. I was driving a friend home from base the other day and I said, “I think, of our three summers, this one has been the best.” He agreed and I continued, “I think it’s because we invited God and He showed up.” He agreed again.
You want stories? I’ve got stories.
I trip led one particular youth group for the second year in a row this summer. I love that because I am familiar with the students and their struggles. I think it was a surprise to one girl to discover that I remembered that one of her greatest fears is heights; last summer she climbed a little but never rappelled (in fact, as I was explaining how to rappel, she sat there and bawled her eyes out in fear, without even being near the cliff!). Remembering this before the trip, my staff and I prayed that she would be able to conquer this fear. This year she faced and conquered her fear of heights by rappelling down that cliff! It was a huge break-through for her and built up her confidence quite a bit. On her evaluation card she wrote that the rock climbing was a big part of the spiritual growth she experienced on the trip.
On another trip I remember that we specifically prayed that the students would see Jesus in us and experience God’s love through us and be drawn to that. I led devotions on the first morning and asked them to read Romans 8, esp verses 35-39. I told them that nothing, not the things other people did nor the things we did, could separate us from the love of God. I asked them, as they read, to pray that God would reveal to them the things they believed separated them from His love and that He would show them how far from the truth that is.
That theme just kept presenting itself throughout the trip. We talked about listening for God’s voice, stepping out in faith, abiding in Christ, all because God is Sovereign and loving and knows what’s best for us. We began to get comments from the leaders, “The students have been commenting about how real you guys are. It’s really cool.” I remember specifically coming away from one discussion that I led and a leader came to me and said, “That was exactly what these guys needed to hear. Thank you.”
On the last night we took the group for a walk and Christina (coworker, we just call her C) presented the gospel in the darkness of night. The stars were out, the night was cool, we could here coyotes and owls, and a shooting star streaked the night sky. C began in Genesis, talking about Creation and the fall of man, the love of God and how that led Him to give us a way out, all so we could be reconciled and back in relationship with Him. We then sent them back alone in the night (we call it a solo walk) and asked them to find one of their leaders and talk to them about how the story of their life fits into the story of the Bible, and any decision God asked them to make about living that out.
The next morning we heard unanimously from all the leaders that students had responded positively. One girl in particular said her parents sent her on all the retreats and camps they could and she was always the “bad girl” because she didn’t want to be there. She said she had recently challenged God to show her His love and now, through the conversations and activities and the love the YD staff exhibited, she felt He had answered her prayers and that she really, really wanted to move forward in relationship with Him.
On my last trip we did an activity called “Voices of the World” and talked about being the beloved and learning to tune out all the other voices that tell us what to do and how to do it and what we should be but can’t and just listen to the voice that says, “I love you. You are My beloved.” The next day on my boat I asked the students what God had been teaching them on the trip and one girl said, “He’s teaching me that I can hear His voice, if I am listening for it, and that the ways in which He speaks are infinite; He speaks through the Bible, nature, other people, and so many other ways.”
There’s more; this has been a wealthy summer in terms of students giving their lives to Christ for the first time or recommitting. Also, I have never seen so many personal issues be brought up before; on more than one trip students have admitted that they were thinking about suicide or that their parents were physically abusing them. This is big stuff!
This summer has been bathed in prayer and God has been incredibly faithful and loving throughout. I love to see Him at work!
Please continue to pray; I leave today for another trip and am pretty close to completely worn out. Still, I’m excited to see what God does!
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