When I gave my life to Christ all my sins were forgiven and I became alive in Christ. That was on the spiritual level. On the physical/emotional level, I have never fully addressed my sins and how they have effected how I think, feel, and live. I admit that I am hindered from the freedom, authority, and power I should have in Christ and find myself bogged down by guilt, fear, and depression. It is my sin that has entangled me and keeps me from running the race set before me with endurance (Heb 12:1). That is the image of the wound on the horse’s hindquarters that was bandaged but grew and festered around the bandage. It is time now to take off the old bandage and re-examine the wound so it can be bandaged and heal properly.
Satan does not want me to have victory over my past. God is warning me that Satan is going to do what he can to distract me and wear me down. My only chance of resisting Satan is by facing – actually embracing wholeheartedly – something I anticipate will be enormously painful. That is the image of the bull charging me and me diving through the barbed wire fence.
I have spent a lot of time meditating and praying (and observing my life) and believe that what God is asking me to embrace wholeheartedly is the body of Christ. I cannot stand alone; one who stands alone is an easy target. However, I do not trust people. We have all been hurt numerous times by people in our lives and I have reacted to the pain caused by others by building walls between me and everyone else. I do most of my struggling alone and open up to very few people. I have also begun to realize that it’s not just other people I don’t trust; I have a tendency to sabotage my relationships through anger, selfishness, and being overly dramatic. I am convinced that, when people begin to know the true me, they will reject me. Instead of giving people the opportunity to love me through this crap, I reject myself and deny myself their companionship and love, knowing that I don’t deserve it and will only hurt them if I try to be their friend.
The body of Christ is the image of Christ on earth. True, we don’t always do a terrific job of reflecting Christ and I’m not saying that I will never be hurt again. People hurt people, but Christ will always be there offering forgiveness and love and healing, and asking us to do the same in His name.
These are not just pretty words; I have begun “diving through the barbed wire” by confessing my sins to fellow sisters in Christ whom I know and love. I am looking into finding a Christian counselor. I am looking at joining some support groups that help people deal with addictions, sin, and the wounds caused by others people’s addictions and sins.
For a long time now the image of a beautiful horse running with freedom, power, and grace has captivated my imagination. I would like to claim that as a vision of who I will become as these wounds are tended and healed.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Dream
Back in March I had a dream. I have reason to believe that this dream is significant, full of meaning, and from God. Here it is.
The Dream: I was standing in a field administering first aid to a horse with an old wound in its hindquarters. I felt guilty because I should have taken care of it a long time ago and now the wound had grown and festered around the bandage. I had no idea what to do; all I could think about was how much this was going to hurt.
I was standing in the same field but the horse was gone. I sensed the presence of a bull and knew I had to avoid it. Suddenly is was charging me. I was scared and had to keep dodging him as he continuously came after me. In my attempts to avoid being gored by the bull I found myself within reach of a barbed wire fence and realized that my only chance was to jump through the fence. I flung myself through the barbed wire fence, expecting to be injured, but I came though unscathed.
Next I was talking to guy I've met twice for the first time. He invited me to go somewhere with him and his friend and suddenly we walked into a church-like building and found seats. The seats we sat at were just three seats isolated from all the other rows. His friend wandered off but a friend of mine appeared, excited that I had finally come. The people on the stage called 12 people down from the seating area and asked them each to read a chapter and come back to share it with the group. I woke up during the long silence before they came up to speak.
The Dream: I was standing in a field administering first aid to a horse with an old wound in its hindquarters. I felt guilty because I should have taken care of it a long time ago and now the wound had grown and festered around the bandage. I had no idea what to do; all I could think about was how much this was going to hurt.
I was standing in the same field but the horse was gone. I sensed the presence of a bull and knew I had to avoid it. Suddenly is was charging me. I was scared and had to keep dodging him as he continuously came after me. In my attempts to avoid being gored by the bull I found myself within reach of a barbed wire fence and realized that my only chance was to jump through the fence. I flung myself through the barbed wire fence, expecting to be injured, but I came though unscathed.
Next I was talking to guy I've met twice for the first time. He invited me to go somewhere with him and his friend and suddenly we walked into a church-like building and found seats. The seats we sat at were just three seats isolated from all the other rows. His friend wandered off but a friend of mine appeared, excited that I had finally come. The people on the stage called 12 people down from the seating area and asked them each to read a chapter and come back to share it with the group. I woke up during the long silence before they came up to speak.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)