I just finished “The Holiness of God” recently and I thought I’d write up a quick “report” about it, though I didn’t think of it until after I finished the book so I’m not equipped to do a lengthy, in-depth critique. I’ll just share the two things that stood out the most.
In the chapter “Holy, Holy, Holy” Sproul teaches out of Isaiah 6:
“Isaiah explained it this way: ‘My eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.’ He saw the holiness of God. For the first time in his life Isaiah really understood who God was. At the same instant, for the first time Isaiah really understood who Isaiah was.” p 45-46
I LOVE this. It is only through knowing God that we come to an understanding of who we are. In Proverbs we read, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10). Or, as A.W. Tozer says: “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us” (Knowledge of the Holy, p 1).
Know God, know God, know God. When we have a true grasp of who God is, we are humbled and no longer feel as though we have any right to judge anyone else, for we understand that no one measures up to His holiness (Psalm 143:2, Romans 3:23), especially ourselves. At the same time, when we truly know God, we know that what He says about us is the ultimate truth about us, and we learn that we are His beloved Children (John 1:12, Romans 8:16, 1 John 3:1), His created image on earth (Genesis 1:26, 2:7), and that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
The other thing that stood out to me in this book is from the very last chapter, “God in the Hands of Angry Sinners”:
“[Semi-Pelagianism] entertains delusions about man’s ability to incline himself to God, to make ‘decisions’ to be born again. It declares that fallen man who is at enmity with God can be persuaded to be reconciled even before his sinful heart is changed. It has people who are not born again seeing a kingdom Christ declared could not be seen and entering a kingdom that cannot be entered without rebirth. Evangelicals today have unconverted sinners who are dead in trespasses and sin bringing themselves to life by choosing to be born again. Christ made it clear that dead people cannot choose anything, that flesh profits nothing and that a person must be born of the Spirit before he can even see the kingdom of God, let alone enter it. The failure of modern evangelicalism is the failure to understand the holiness of God. If that one point were grasped, there would be no more talk of mortal enemies of Christ coming to Jesus by their own power” p 232.
I have no idea what to make of this. As far as I know, my whole job relies on our preaching the Gospel and giving students the chance to make decisions for Christ. If Sproul is right, are these “decisions” a load of BS?
I looked up “Pelagianism” on one of my favorite websites, http://bible.org , and found an article by Bob Deffinbaugh on “The Helplessness of Humanity”. In it he says:
“Because it is God Who saves men, we may proclaim the gospel boldly knowing that those whom He has chosen will be saved. And when we pray, we need not pray that men will have the intellectual ability to believe, or that their wills may be open to divine instruction, but that God will give them life, effectually call them, and draw them to Himself. If it is ultimately God Who saves men, then we can plead with Him for the souls of men, knowing His desire to save (cf. 1 Timothy 2:4), knowing He delights to answer our prayers (1 John 5:14-15), and knowing He is able to save any whom He chooses (cf. Acts 9:1-22)… In evangelism, as in every area of Christian living, we are never commanded to be successful, but only to be submissive to His will and obedient to His word (Isaiah 6:8-10).”
So perhaps the idea isn’t that sharing the gospel and giving people an opportunity to respond is useless but that we should share the gospel and then trust God to do the work He promises to do and is already doing. This certainly seems to line up with what Paul says in Ephesians 2:8: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…” Even our faith in the risen Savior is a gift from God’s own hand.
I’m still unable to fully articulate what I think about this, probably because I’m not fully sure what I believe about it. I welcome your thoughts and sharing of scripture, fellow gift-receivers of God.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Dream: Interpretation
When I gave my life to Christ all my sins were forgiven and I became alive in Christ. That was on the spiritual level. On the physical/emotional level, I have never fully addressed my sins and how they have effected how I think, feel, and live. I admit that I am hindered from the freedom, authority, and power I should have in Christ and find myself bogged down by guilt, fear, and depression. It is my sin that has entangled me and keeps me from running the race set before me with endurance (Heb 12:1). That is the image of the wound on the horse’s hindquarters that was bandaged but grew and festered around the bandage. It is time now to take off the old bandage and re-examine the wound so it can be bandaged and heal properly.
Satan does not want me to have victory over my past. God is warning me that Satan is going to do what he can to distract me and wear me down. My only chance of resisting Satan is by facing – actually embracing wholeheartedly – something I anticipate will be enormously painful. That is the image of the bull charging me and me diving through the barbed wire fence.
I have spent a lot of time meditating and praying (and observing my life) and believe that what God is asking me to embrace wholeheartedly is the body of Christ. I cannot stand alone; one who stands alone is an easy target. However, I do not trust people. We have all been hurt numerous times by people in our lives and I have reacted to the pain caused by others by building walls between me and everyone else. I do most of my struggling alone and open up to very few people. I have also begun to realize that it’s not just other people I don’t trust; I have a tendency to sabotage my relationships through anger, selfishness, and being overly dramatic. I am convinced that, when people begin to know the true me, they will reject me. Instead of giving people the opportunity to love me through this crap, I reject myself and deny myself their companionship and love, knowing that I don’t deserve it and will only hurt them if I try to be their friend.
The body of Christ is the image of Christ on earth. True, we don’t always do a terrific job of reflecting Christ and I’m not saying that I will never be hurt again. People hurt people, but Christ will always be there offering forgiveness and love and healing, and asking us to do the same in His name.
These are not just pretty words; I have begun “diving through the barbed wire” by confessing my sins to fellow sisters in Christ whom I know and love. I am looking into finding a Christian counselor. I am looking at joining some support groups that help people deal with addictions, sin, and the wounds caused by others people’s addictions and sins.
For a long time now the image of a beautiful horse running with freedom, power, and grace has captivated my imagination. I would like to claim that as a vision of who I will become as these wounds are tended and healed.
Satan does not want me to have victory over my past. God is warning me that Satan is going to do what he can to distract me and wear me down. My only chance of resisting Satan is by facing – actually embracing wholeheartedly – something I anticipate will be enormously painful. That is the image of the bull charging me and me diving through the barbed wire fence.
I have spent a lot of time meditating and praying (and observing my life) and believe that what God is asking me to embrace wholeheartedly is the body of Christ. I cannot stand alone; one who stands alone is an easy target. However, I do not trust people. We have all been hurt numerous times by people in our lives and I have reacted to the pain caused by others by building walls between me and everyone else. I do most of my struggling alone and open up to very few people. I have also begun to realize that it’s not just other people I don’t trust; I have a tendency to sabotage my relationships through anger, selfishness, and being overly dramatic. I am convinced that, when people begin to know the true me, they will reject me. Instead of giving people the opportunity to love me through this crap, I reject myself and deny myself their companionship and love, knowing that I don’t deserve it and will only hurt them if I try to be their friend.
The body of Christ is the image of Christ on earth. True, we don’t always do a terrific job of reflecting Christ and I’m not saying that I will never be hurt again. People hurt people, but Christ will always be there offering forgiveness and love and healing, and asking us to do the same in His name.
These are not just pretty words; I have begun “diving through the barbed wire” by confessing my sins to fellow sisters in Christ whom I know and love. I am looking into finding a Christian counselor. I am looking at joining some support groups that help people deal with addictions, sin, and the wounds caused by others people’s addictions and sins.
For a long time now the image of a beautiful horse running with freedom, power, and grace has captivated my imagination. I would like to claim that as a vision of who I will become as these wounds are tended and healed.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Canyonview RAP
A couple weeks ago I was worried that I wasn’t going to be on very many trips. Now I’m wondering if I’ll have the energy for all the trips I’m scheduled for. Yay! That makes me happy.
Last week I was the trip coordinator for a River Adventure Program (RAP) for the first time ever. Canyonview, a horse camp down in Silverton, runs an adventure camp every summer and they hire us to do all the fun stuff. This summer was our first RAP together and, since I had led their trips for the past few years, I requested to lead this one as well. I was excited both to be on a RAP (they’re one of our best trips) and to be the trip coordinator for it.
Five students and 3 Canyonview staff joined us for this trip. We had one returning student and I remember her being remarkably strong in the Lord for a person her age. The other 4 were a conglomeration of believers, non-believers, mature, and not-so-mature. Of the 3 Canyonview staff, 2 had been on trips with us before; they have become familiar, comfortable people to work with and I know that their staff and our staff share the common goal of wanting to see kids come to know and grow in the Lord.
I think I set the bar too high for myself on this trip. Not only was I going to do a fantastic job as the trip leader but I was going to have one-on-ones with all the students and we were going to have amazingly spiritual conversations. Instead, at the end of the trip I felt as though I had been very disconnected from the group as a whole and my being on the trip was basically a waste of everyone’s time.
I’ve had ample time to process the trip and discuss it with a few of my co-workers. I now realize that I did a very good job on this trip. I proved myself flexible to our schedule, decisive, willing to listen to advice, sensitive to the needs of the group, and able to engage spiritually when it was important. Still, I made some mistakes that I get learn from: precautions to take in order to avoid logistical mishaps, being firm with students without letting their attitudes get to me, and not taking my guide stick out of the water just before Shark’s Hole when my crew is not balanced.
Ah, yes. Shark’s Hole. I had one strong paddler and three not-so-strong paddlers. I knew Shark’s Hole would have a special punch to it so I prepared for the hole by taking my guide stick out of the water and ducking into the boat (I am not a coward; this hole will literally launch me toward the front of the boat causing much pain on impact). The boat almost magically swung to the left and, when we hit the hole, the boat stopped and my entire right side kept going. We spent the next 10 minutes or so fishing people out of the river and checking to be sure everyone was ok.
The highlight of this trip for me was the Flagpole Hike. We started hiking from our campsite and climbed (hiked upwards) to the top of the canyon. It’s a steep, long hike and challenging for most people. When everyone reached the top you could feel the relief. DONE! And so high up! You get a beautiful view of the Deschutes River canyon as well as various mountains (Sisters, Jefferson, Three Finger Jack, to name a few). While we were up there I took some time to share part of my testimony with the group. We had been reading Colossians and earlier that day had discussed Col 2:8. I shared with these students how sold out I once was on what the world believes to be “only normal” such as sex before marriage, evolution, getting drunk, etc. I told them to look around and compare the view at the top of the canyon with the view they had while standing by the river. God’s view, I told them, is even greater than what we were experiencing up at the flagpole; He is the Creator of all we could see and more. He knows everything going on in our lives and even our hearts. He knows what is right for us and has shared that with us in His Word.
Well, I hope that’s how what I shared came across because that’s certainly what I intended to say. More than anything I hope that what I shared brought glory to God.
I am now preparing for two trips almost back-to-back. I will be coordinating Mosaic’s first trip with YD Adventures this coming week and the following week I will be coordinating the Sunrise Baptist Rope Rock Raft. There’s a possibility I may be on (but not coordinating) the Warner backpacking trip and I will be finishing off my summer with a stacked RAP (yes! They gave me another RAP to coordinate!!).
Please pray for the YD Adventures staff and that their energy is kept up as we press into the busiest part of our summer. Also that they stay connected with our Lord; ministry is difficult enough as is; to do it without preparing by spending time in the word and in prayer is nearly impossible (but young people don’t always realize that). Please pray that we work together in unity as the body of Christ, that we exemplify the love of Christ, and that students’ hearts are open and receptive to the gospel. Please pray for me that when I make mistakes I learn from them instead of fret over them, and pray that the Lord’s Spirit rejuvenates me and prepares me for each trip.
Thank you! I look forward to sharing with you what the Lord has done.
Last week I was the trip coordinator for a River Adventure Program (RAP) for the first time ever. Canyonview, a horse camp down in Silverton, runs an adventure camp every summer and they hire us to do all the fun stuff. This summer was our first RAP together and, since I had led their trips for the past few years, I requested to lead this one as well. I was excited both to be on a RAP (they’re one of our best trips) and to be the trip coordinator for it.
Five students and 3 Canyonview staff joined us for this trip. We had one returning student and I remember her being remarkably strong in the Lord for a person her age. The other 4 were a conglomeration of believers, non-believers, mature, and not-so-mature. Of the 3 Canyonview staff, 2 had been on trips with us before; they have become familiar, comfortable people to work with and I know that their staff and our staff share the common goal of wanting to see kids come to know and grow in the Lord.
I think I set the bar too high for myself on this trip. Not only was I going to do a fantastic job as the trip leader but I was going to have one-on-ones with all the students and we were going to have amazingly spiritual conversations. Instead, at the end of the trip I felt as though I had been very disconnected from the group as a whole and my being on the trip was basically a waste of everyone’s time.
I’ve had ample time to process the trip and discuss it with a few of my co-workers. I now realize that I did a very good job on this trip. I proved myself flexible to our schedule, decisive, willing to listen to advice, sensitive to the needs of the group, and able to engage spiritually when it was important. Still, I made some mistakes that I get learn from: precautions to take in order to avoid logistical mishaps, being firm with students without letting their attitudes get to me, and not taking my guide stick out of the water just before Shark’s Hole when my crew is not balanced.
Ah, yes. Shark’s Hole. I had one strong paddler and three not-so-strong paddlers. I knew Shark’s Hole would have a special punch to it so I prepared for the hole by taking my guide stick out of the water and ducking into the boat (I am not a coward; this hole will literally launch me toward the front of the boat causing much pain on impact). The boat almost magically swung to the left and, when we hit the hole, the boat stopped and my entire right side kept going. We spent the next 10 minutes or so fishing people out of the river and checking to be sure everyone was ok.
The highlight of this trip for me was the Flagpole Hike. We started hiking from our campsite and climbed (hiked upwards) to the top of the canyon. It’s a steep, long hike and challenging for most people. When everyone reached the top you could feel the relief. DONE! And so high up! You get a beautiful view of the Deschutes River canyon as well as various mountains (Sisters, Jefferson, Three Finger Jack, to name a few). While we were up there I took some time to share part of my testimony with the group. We had been reading Colossians and earlier that day had discussed Col 2:8. I shared with these students how sold out I once was on what the world believes to be “only normal” such as sex before marriage, evolution, getting drunk, etc. I told them to look around and compare the view at the top of the canyon with the view they had while standing by the river. God’s view, I told them, is even greater than what we were experiencing up at the flagpole; He is the Creator of all we could see and more. He knows everything going on in our lives and even our hearts. He knows what is right for us and has shared that with us in His Word.
Well, I hope that’s how what I shared came across because that’s certainly what I intended to say. More than anything I hope that what I shared brought glory to God.
I am now preparing for two trips almost back-to-back. I will be coordinating Mosaic’s first trip with YD Adventures this coming week and the following week I will be coordinating the Sunrise Baptist Rope Rock Raft. There’s a possibility I may be on (but not coordinating) the Warner backpacking trip and I will be finishing off my summer with a stacked RAP (yes! They gave me another RAP to coordinate!!).
Please pray for the YD Adventures staff and that their energy is kept up as we press into the busiest part of our summer. Also that they stay connected with our Lord; ministry is difficult enough as is; to do it without preparing by spending time in the word and in prayer is nearly impossible (but young people don’t always realize that). Please pray that we work together in unity as the body of Christ, that we exemplify the love of Christ, and that students’ hearts are open and receptive to the gospel. Please pray for me that when I make mistakes I learn from them instead of fret over them, and pray that the Lord’s Spirit rejuvenates me and prepares me for each trip.
Thank you! I look forward to sharing with you what the Lord has done.
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Dream
Back in March I had a dream. I have reason to believe that this dream is significant, full of meaning, and from God. Here it is.
The Dream: I was standing in a field administering first aid to a horse with an old wound in its hindquarters. I felt guilty because I should have taken care of it a long time ago and now the wound had grown and festered around the bandage. I had no idea what to do; all I could think about was how much this was going to hurt.
I was standing in the same field but the horse was gone. I sensed the presence of a bull and knew I had to avoid it. Suddenly is was charging me. I was scared and had to keep dodging him as he continuously came after me. In my attempts to avoid being gored by the bull I found myself within reach of a barbed wire fence and realized that my only chance was to jump through the fence. I flung myself through the barbed wire fence, expecting to be injured, but I came though unscathed.
Next I was talking to guy I've met twice for the first time. He invited me to go somewhere with him and his friend and suddenly we walked into a church-like building and found seats. The seats we sat at were just three seats isolated from all the other rows. His friend wandered off but a friend of mine appeared, excited that I had finally come. The people on the stage called 12 people down from the seating area and asked them each to read a chapter and come back to share it with the group. I woke up during the long silence before they came up to speak.
The Dream: I was standing in a field administering first aid to a horse with an old wound in its hindquarters. I felt guilty because I should have taken care of it a long time ago and now the wound had grown and festered around the bandage. I had no idea what to do; all I could think about was how much this was going to hurt.
I was standing in the same field but the horse was gone. I sensed the presence of a bull and knew I had to avoid it. Suddenly is was charging me. I was scared and had to keep dodging him as he continuously came after me. In my attempts to avoid being gored by the bull I found myself within reach of a barbed wire fence and realized that my only chance was to jump through the fence. I flung myself through the barbed wire fence, expecting to be injured, but I came though unscathed.
Next I was talking to guy I've met twice for the first time. He invited me to go somewhere with him and his friend and suddenly we walked into a church-like building and found seats. The seats we sat at were just three seats isolated from all the other rows. His friend wandered off but a friend of mine appeared, excited that I had finally come. The people on the stage called 12 people down from the seating area and asked them each to read a chapter and come back to share it with the group. I woke up during the long silence before they came up to speak.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Praise and Prayer Update
Hello friends! It seems as though there are certain things that the Christian lifestyle revolves around but that we (I) don’t give the highest priority to. One of those things is prayer. Our staffing coordinator has committed to make praying for our staff a priority this year. Our director always mentions the importance of prayer in our ministry (since it is God at work and we need to rely on that). Also, Chris Adsit, author of this summer’s devotional, “Personal Disciple Making” is a huge advocate for relying first on prayer (“Prayer is the foundation of our discipling strategy because Jesus is the One who causes the growth.”) I think I’m getting it; prayer is our first and most important step of obedience, because it’s God who does the real work. After – and only after – we pray can we truly be available for the work He has for us. Thus, I wanted to take some time to share what’s going on at YD Adventures and how you can be praying for us.
Our new summer staff have finished their first week of raft training as well as low ropes challenge course training. They are doing well! Last night they left for rock climbing training (I will be joining them tonight). They have to learn how to tie certain knots and how to facilitate a climbing as well as a rappel station. Our second year summer staff will be learning how to send students on rappel and preparing their rappel talks (Rappelling presents a very, very teachable moment. If you’ve ever backed off a cliff, you know exactly what I mean).
Next week on Tuesday summer staff and trainers will be leaving for Point Runs/Raft 2, which is part of our raft training on the Deschutes River. They will be staying out there until Sunday night, making this one of the most difficult parts of training since no one sleeps well and each of them will be working hard every day that week. Please pray for endurance and perseverance for our summer staff and trainers.
Please pray that each of the summer staff continue to be molded and formed into humble, Spirit-filled vessels that the Lord will use this summer to bring teens to Him. I just want to say that we have an awesome crew working for the Lord at YD Adventures this summer. Thank You, Jesus!
In the month of June we have some very special trips coming up. NW Passages is a group of adults who go through a special 3-year discipleship program and who come to enjoy a day on the challenge course with us at the end of their first year. It’s odd facilitating people who are older than most of us but it’s an honor to kick off our season with people who are so dedicated to following the Lord. We will likely use this trip to help train our first year summer staff, giving them an opportunity to see how we run a challenge course.
Also in June is a trip with students from an alternative school. Please be praying that these students’ hearts will be tender and ready to hear and receive the gospel. Please pray for one-on-one opportunities for staff to share with these students and that staff would recognize, boldly snatch, and be intentional with these opportunities.
We have a camp in WA joining us for a rafting/IK (inflatable kayak) trip. Pray that we can come alongside the camp’s staff to live out and present the gospel to these teens. We are taking another camp’s staff rock climbing; please pray that this day aids in preparing them for a summer of ministry. Last, we have a multiday trip with a local church; please pray that the Creator of the heavens and earth reveals Himself tangibly on this trip and that their need for Jesus and His unconditional love for them is made clear.
My own personal prayer/praise requests are:
I have injured my arm. Looks like I strained the muscles responsible for pulling and twisting my wrist. If this doesn’t heal quickly and completely I will not be guiding this summer, which would be a bummer. However, I believe in the sovereignty of our Lord and that, if He keeps me off the river this summer, it is to serve His purposes. Still, please pray that it does heal quickly so I can guide.
I have had no trouble sleeping for some weeks now – praise the Lord! Please pray that this continues.
This year I am acting as the female summer staff coordinator. I am responsible for connecting with and discipling these ladies throughout the summer. What an honor! Please pray that I put these ladies’ comforts and needs before my own. Please pray that I learn how to serve in this capacity. Please pray that I approach this in humility as I have just as much to learn from them as they have from me.
Our new summer staff have finished their first week of raft training as well as low ropes challenge course training. They are doing well! Last night they left for rock climbing training (I will be joining them tonight). They have to learn how to tie certain knots and how to facilitate a climbing as well as a rappel station. Our second year summer staff will be learning how to send students on rappel and preparing their rappel talks (Rappelling presents a very, very teachable moment. If you’ve ever backed off a cliff, you know exactly what I mean).
Next week on Tuesday summer staff and trainers will be leaving for Point Runs/Raft 2, which is part of our raft training on the Deschutes River. They will be staying out there until Sunday night, making this one of the most difficult parts of training since no one sleeps well and each of them will be working hard every day that week. Please pray for endurance and perseverance for our summer staff and trainers.
Please pray that each of the summer staff continue to be molded and formed into humble, Spirit-filled vessels that the Lord will use this summer to bring teens to Him. I just want to say that we have an awesome crew working for the Lord at YD Adventures this summer. Thank You, Jesus!
In the month of June we have some very special trips coming up. NW Passages is a group of adults who go through a special 3-year discipleship program and who come to enjoy a day on the challenge course with us at the end of their first year. It’s odd facilitating people who are older than most of us but it’s an honor to kick off our season with people who are so dedicated to following the Lord. We will likely use this trip to help train our first year summer staff, giving them an opportunity to see how we run a challenge course.
Also in June is a trip with students from an alternative school. Please be praying that these students’ hearts will be tender and ready to hear and receive the gospel. Please pray for one-on-one opportunities for staff to share with these students and that staff would recognize, boldly snatch, and be intentional with these opportunities.
We have a camp in WA joining us for a rafting/IK (inflatable kayak) trip. Pray that we can come alongside the camp’s staff to live out and present the gospel to these teens. We are taking another camp’s staff rock climbing; please pray that this day aids in preparing them for a summer of ministry. Last, we have a multiday trip with a local church; please pray that the Creator of the heavens and earth reveals Himself tangibly on this trip and that their need for Jesus and His unconditional love for them is made clear.
My own personal prayer/praise requests are:
I have injured my arm. Looks like I strained the muscles responsible for pulling and twisting my wrist. If this doesn’t heal quickly and completely I will not be guiding this summer, which would be a bummer. However, I believe in the sovereignty of our Lord and that, if He keeps me off the river this summer, it is to serve His purposes. Still, please pray that it does heal quickly so I can guide.
I have had no trouble sleeping for some weeks now – praise the Lord! Please pray that this continues.
This year I am acting as the female summer staff coordinator. I am responsible for connecting with and discipling these ladies throughout the summer. What an honor! Please pray that I put these ladies’ comforts and needs before my own. Please pray that I learn how to serve in this capacity. Please pray that I approach this in humility as I have just as much to learn from them as they have from me.
Monday, February 22, 2010
A New Name
I walked into the dimly-lit auditorium. I could smell the fragrance of scented candles; the stage was lined with a foot-thick border of variously shaped votives. A lamp sat in each back corner of the stage, on the right providing light for two colorful canvases and on the left lighting up the keys of an upright piano where sat a young, thin man. Next to him sat three more young men, one with a guitar, one with a drum, and one sitting with only a microphone. Brightly colored drapes – purple and yellow – were attached to each side of the stage and swooped down to splash color across the floor before the stage. There were three projectors; the main projector portrayed the image of a stained glass window across the back of the stage; the other two projectors were focused on the walls to left and right and contained short bits of scripture.
I found a seat near the front, as I had been instructed to do. I was alone and so felt a little awkward but after being single for over 5 years I’ve learned to brave the awkwardness. I would miss out on many experiences in life if I was unwilling to brave the awkwardness.
Bono from U2 suddenly appeared on the main projector, explaining and then playing his song, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. Then the projector turned dark and we heard the sound of a storm, thunder cracking and popping, and birds calling out to one another. Suddenly we were being bombarded by the angry, overwhelming sounds of the city: sirens, traffic, many people talking at once. Then a great bell tolling, evoking a sense of reverence. Silence.
Sarah Baldwin, “university pastor and dean of spiritual life at George Fox”, as my itinerary from the Kaleo youth conference stated, stood up and invited everyone who had decided to attend the “Creative Worship” break-out session to experience Shalom, worship at George Fox University.
I enjoyed worshiping with these people, though I was merely one of the masses to them. The young artist worked on her canvas, and I noticed that she was barefoot, and I felt thrilled by her freedom. The young man with only a microphone stood up and tap danced as we sang. Our final song was an a cappella rendition of “This Little Light of Mine.” I have never experienced that song sung so heart fully before. The tap dancer then read for us Matthew 3:16-17.
Finally, Sarah stepped back up on the stage. She spoke to us for a bit and asked, “What is the inner name you go by? Is it ‘Anxious’? ‘Afraid’? ‘Overwhelmed’? Take some time to think about that then I invite you to come down and write that name on the projector. And then, if you wish, we will give you a new name. The name God has given you.”
My mind skimmed through the past few days. Wednesday was the beginning of Lent. I want to take Lent seriously this year, fully immerse myself in this period of time before we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord. I had already heard that Lent was not about showing the world how pious we Christians are or proving how self-disciplined we are. On Thursday evening at Bible study, Cora challenged us to think about what it is we’re holding onto the keeps us from fully receiving the love of Christ.
I entered into my time with the Lord on Friday morning with a sense of expectancy but also hesitancy and unpreparedness. I came before Him naked: I had no agenda, no perfect Bible verses picked out, no spiritual book with all the answers to run to. I had only Him and me.
And He spoke to my heart. He brought up many conversations I’ve had recently with people who love me and know me. He showed me that they all answer the same thing but I have clothed myself with an identity that has become too small and tattered but that I refuse to take off. This old identity I am wearing is pinching and rubbing in all the wrong places, causing me discomfort and pain, causing lack of sleep at night and a sense of being constantly overwhelmed and unhappy. My friends are simply trying to help me take off the old and put on the new, but the old has become such a habit for me I’m having a hard time believing there is a new.
Then I heard Jesus say, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Friday morning the Lord showed me that I carry a burden that is not my own but that I’ve claimed as my own. It’s the burden of guilt: guilt for everything I say or don’t say, do or don’t do, guilt that I get tired and need to rest, guilt that I have to create boundaries between myself and others, guilt that I feel overwhelmed by all the expectations and appointments and obligations, guilt that I cannot love the way I think a Christian is supposed to love.
“What is the inner name you go by?”
“Guilty,” I wrote on the projector.
As I walked away, Sarah handed me a nametag:
“Hello my name is Beloved.”
I clutched my new name, walked back to my seat, and began to sob. I just stood there with tears coursing down my face. For me, this nametag is an affirmation of what God has been trying to tell me for a long time.
“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
“If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:36
“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear [or guilt] again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God…” Romans 8:15-16
For Lent this year I am giving up this old identity; I am giving up being “Guilty”. That doesn’t mean I won’t apologize or feel bad when I’m wrong; it means I will try my best not to hold onto it. In other words, I am going to recognize that this is Jesus’ burden and He’s already got it; it rests squarely on His more-than-capable shoulders. That’s why it’s so light for those who come to Him.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” Romans 8:1-4
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16
“See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are.” 1 John 3:1a
I am not Guilty. I am Beloved.
I found a seat near the front, as I had been instructed to do. I was alone and so felt a little awkward but after being single for over 5 years I’ve learned to brave the awkwardness. I would miss out on many experiences in life if I was unwilling to brave the awkwardness.
Bono from U2 suddenly appeared on the main projector, explaining and then playing his song, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. Then the projector turned dark and we heard the sound of a storm, thunder cracking and popping, and birds calling out to one another. Suddenly we were being bombarded by the angry, overwhelming sounds of the city: sirens, traffic, many people talking at once. Then a great bell tolling, evoking a sense of reverence. Silence.
Sarah Baldwin, “university pastor and dean of spiritual life at George Fox”, as my itinerary from the Kaleo youth conference stated, stood up and invited everyone who had decided to attend the “Creative Worship” break-out session to experience Shalom, worship at George Fox University.
I enjoyed worshiping with these people, though I was merely one of the masses to them. The young artist worked on her canvas, and I noticed that she was barefoot, and I felt thrilled by her freedom. The young man with only a microphone stood up and tap danced as we sang. Our final song was an a cappella rendition of “This Little Light of Mine.” I have never experienced that song sung so heart fully before. The tap dancer then read for us Matthew 3:16-17.
Finally, Sarah stepped back up on the stage. She spoke to us for a bit and asked, “What is the inner name you go by? Is it ‘Anxious’? ‘Afraid’? ‘Overwhelmed’? Take some time to think about that then I invite you to come down and write that name on the projector. And then, if you wish, we will give you a new name. The name God has given you.”
My mind skimmed through the past few days. Wednesday was the beginning of Lent. I want to take Lent seriously this year, fully immerse myself in this period of time before we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord. I had already heard that Lent was not about showing the world how pious we Christians are or proving how self-disciplined we are. On Thursday evening at Bible study, Cora challenged us to think about what it is we’re holding onto the keeps us from fully receiving the love of Christ.
I entered into my time with the Lord on Friday morning with a sense of expectancy but also hesitancy and unpreparedness. I came before Him naked: I had no agenda, no perfect Bible verses picked out, no spiritual book with all the answers to run to. I had only Him and me.
And He spoke to my heart. He brought up many conversations I’ve had recently with people who love me and know me. He showed me that they all answer the same thing but I have clothed myself with an identity that has become too small and tattered but that I refuse to take off. This old identity I am wearing is pinching and rubbing in all the wrong places, causing me discomfort and pain, causing lack of sleep at night and a sense of being constantly overwhelmed and unhappy. My friends are simply trying to help me take off the old and put on the new, but the old has become such a habit for me I’m having a hard time believing there is a new.
Then I heard Jesus say, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Friday morning the Lord showed me that I carry a burden that is not my own but that I’ve claimed as my own. It’s the burden of guilt: guilt for everything I say or don’t say, do or don’t do, guilt that I get tired and need to rest, guilt that I have to create boundaries between myself and others, guilt that I feel overwhelmed by all the expectations and appointments and obligations, guilt that I cannot love the way I think a Christian is supposed to love.
“What is the inner name you go by?”
“Guilty,” I wrote on the projector.
As I walked away, Sarah handed me a nametag:
“Hello my name is Beloved.”
I clutched my new name, walked back to my seat, and began to sob. I just stood there with tears coursing down my face. For me, this nametag is an affirmation of what God has been trying to tell me for a long time.
“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
“If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:36
“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear [or guilt] again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God…” Romans 8:15-16
For Lent this year I am giving up this old identity; I am giving up being “Guilty”. That doesn’t mean I won’t apologize or feel bad when I’m wrong; it means I will try my best not to hold onto it. In other words, I am going to recognize that this is Jesus’ burden and He’s already got it; it rests squarely on His more-than-capable shoulders. That’s why it’s so light for those who come to Him.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” Romans 8:1-4
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16
“See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are.” 1 John 3:1a
I am not Guilty. I am Beloved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)